Saturday, February 25

My Life 'Til Now

Basically, I have quite a few kids. Boruch Hashem, I live in amazing community and I love my neighbours. What more could a girl want? Well, I'll tell you. I want to make a dent in the Shidduch crisis. It's not easy and it's taken over my life.

But people won't let me just be and do what I want to do. I would like for people to stop and think before they ask favours of me. everything in my life seems to be on everyone elses terms. I have this one person in my world who does things for me when it suits her, when I don't even need it and then she demands that I do something for her when she wants it. I use the term 'demand', because if someone requests something from you and refuses to accept a 'no'; that becomes a demand.

Now, here's the problem- I can do stuff that hardly anyone else can do. Brocha? yes. Nissyon? yes. There are so many people asking, but there's just one of me and even if I say yes once every twenty times, I still feel guilty about the nineteen that I turned away and that one request that I agreed to can literally consume me. Particularly when it involves speech writing and gramen. (There I did it, you probably all know who I am now! )

Just because I volunteer my time to a shidduch orginization doesn't mean that I'm not working! I have to put aside time for my kids and long suffering husband, which I really do try to do. Would people ask someone for all kinds of favours if they had 'a proper job'. I don't think so.


At 10:33 PM, Blogger Asparagus said...

Kasamba, you are just going to have to learn to say no!

At 12:45 PM, Blogger tafka PP said...

Welcome to the Blogosphere!

I'm making dents too, but from the other side. Look forward to reading about your progress!

At 2:19 PM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

It's an old problem, I can't say no either and that's why my friend came to my house to brow something after 10 Pm, when I explicitly asked him to come before 10.
That's also why my wife was furious on me,for not being able to say "you came too late, please come tomorrow".
Don't feel bad, you borrow your talent to others and that's very kind. Perhaps if you did this for pay you'd have an easier time refusing.

At 7:44 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Asparagus- I used to be much worse; I used to say yes to everyone to the detriment of my health, until I was told by a Rabbi that any mitzvah that you do that you regret afterwards; you don't even get zchar for.

The artist; thank you for your welcome! Love the parrot! If you have any ideas for our Shidduch office- I'd be glad to hear them!

Pragmatician; so, we're in the same boat! my husband is sooo frustrated with me for the same reason, although I have become much better at setting boundaries (but obviously not good enough!). I don't think I could charge friends and family though.

At 11:07 PM, Blogger Moochy said...

Good point.
Teach them the difference of use vs. abuse.
welcome to Blogworld.

At 11:21 PM, Blogger J said...

Interesting start to your blog...looking forward to reading more!

I know the feeling about volunteer work not being seen as "real" work. Perhaps if you start calling it your job? I've done that with some volunteer positions, and just explained that I don't get paid if people ask. Somehow it just helps people realize that these things do take up your time in a very real way.

At 11:25 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Thank you Moochy!
I like that phrase 'use vs abuse'!

J; of course you're right, but vounteer work in no way seems to be as real to people as a paying job- it's so unfair!

Thanks for your comments!

At 3:32 AM, Blogger HanginUp said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 3:33 AM, Blogger HanginUp said...

I commend you on your community work and your sincere dedication to singles!! Kudos to you!! The world needs more people like you.

At 11:14 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

You are so sweet! Thanks!!!

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