Wednesday, March 22

It Ain't Over Till the Fat Lady Sings

Hey, whatdoyaknow?? That was not my last post. I obviously have a lot more to say.

I just arrived back from the Holy Land, where Jews are rampant and forever clogging the airplane aisles. I love it there and will forever feel guilty that I do not live there. I have since begged Hubby to bury me there and offered him a place next to me; but being the Brit that he is, he just talked about the weather. I figure that it will be so much easier after Moshiach comes, for us to already be residing in Eretz Yisroel rather than taking the harder route underground from England. Besides, everyone comes to Israel and I want my kids to be able to visit their dear old (dead) Mum.

And now, drumroll please; my never been disproved TROUSER THEORY;
(For those of you from over the pond trousers mean pants, cuz pants in England means underwear.)
The difference between the heimishly frum and nonfrum women in Israel can be discerned from their choice of attire. Any frummy worth her salt will wear a skirt and any non frumma wears trousers. That's it, that's my theory. As you walk along the cobblestone streets in the footsteps of ancient kings and tzaddikim, look around you. No matter that skirts are in, if you wear one, you will be pegged as a frumma. Therefore, while I look so chic in the UK wearing the latest in fashionable pencil skirts, I come to Israel and feel as frum as can be. (Notice I didn't say that was negative!) Now here is my issue; some women should not wear trousers. I really mean it. If I was the fashion police, I would have run out of citations. Some women just look better in skirts. I shared this theory with Hubby and being the cynic that he is, he took some convincing, but at last he came round to my way of thinking. He also noticed that even 80 year old women and up wore trousers. Because, and this is the kicker- if they wore a skirt, they would look frum, chas vesholem, shock, horror. Now, back to women who really should know better, they would rather walk around with their ample backsides on display rather than have someone confuse them with someone who is religious. What does that say??????

28 Comments:

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Good post I love to laugh.
Your theory is quite right, when I was studying in college, whenever saw a girl in skirts, I assumed she might be a frum Jewish girl, then I would take a quick glance at her face, and well...usually she wasn't.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger Eshet Chayil said...

I own a pair of pants. I have them for when I get cold at night...lol I wouldn't want to walk around outside in pants. I mean, to me they look goyish. But then I guess that has a lot to do with where I'm from. Very cute post.

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

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At 5:30 PM, Blogger Y.Y. said...

overweight women should never wear pants its just ewwwwwwwwwww to see their fat "ass"ets
most women look much sexier in skirts but some chicks look damn hot in pants you just gotta know in what category you belong ask opinions from friends ppl know

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

sOMG!!!!! Thank you all for stopping by!!!!! I feel validated as a cyberhuman!

Prag and Eshet; so, the skirts ARE a give away!

Still; yay!!!!

YY;I know, I know- either they don't they have full legnth mirrors or they don't have friends who tell them the score!

 
At 8:22 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

I want to see Trinny and Susannah makeover these women! I want to see them do a makeover for someone who wears skirts and does the cover up. Now, that my dear kassambas would be interesting telly. And challenging.

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger Y.Y. said...

does anyone have a clue what kishmech is trying to say?

 
At 9:47 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Kish: you know it, girl!

YY; I can't believe you don't know who Trinny and Susannah are???

 
At 9:54 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

If you're a brit and female, oh and also happen to watch a little telly, you'd know the phenomenon that is trinny woodall and susannah constantine. It's a bit like that american ugly duckling programme, basically you take a woman, who looks a tad used and abused, give her plastic surgery a haircut, teach her how to use makeup and buy her a new wardrobe of clothes. Voila, she looks stunning, surprise surprise.
Well, i nominate my friend, She has five kids between the ages of 4 and 10 and she is raising them by herself while working pretty much full time.
I was of course referring to kasamba's fashion police comment, basically, trinny and susannah put their victims in a 360 degree mirror, so they can actually SEE what their backsides look like in those trousers.........a sack of potatoes mostly. I'm pretty slim but even if i could wear trousers, i wouldn't, they're too unforgiving and .....i have a jewish bum.
Capiche, i was a bit incoherent before, in a hurry....so what's changed?

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

Bless your sheitel kasamba. Someone doesn't think i'm nuts. x

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger G Green said...

As I'm not going to listening to women singing in the near future, I guess you'll be saying a lot more!

Trouser theory does hold some water, but I can still often spot a Jew or not without those signs, and the sheitel or not also gives it away.

I am sure I remember seeing Trinny and Susannah plastered all over the subway when I was in New York, so they must have made it over the pond.

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Kish; Nuts? Everyone else is nuts!But you do NOT have a jewish bum!!!!!

GGreen; Word had filtered back to me that they had 'made it' there. Actually I traveled to venice with Trinny sitting behind me and she was a real cow.
But the real issue is that women will sacrifice the way they look in order not to look more religious than they are.
BTW Keep 'not listening' to women singing! (wink, wink)

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Y.Y. said...

jewish women have larger asses
can anyone explain?

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

YY; I'm sure that my fellow sisters in the Tribe would prefer if you referred to their offending anantomy as; backsides.

But their are so many other races that have amble derriers- have you ever seen a haitian woman for example? The only difference being that their menfolk actually prefer behinds that are large enough to hold a full service of tea- complete with tray et al...

 
At 6:42 PM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

Im not so sure that is true. As frum girls we may not know this... but from lounging around this house in them I have come to understand that pants, um er, trousers... are more comfortable to wear. I dont think it has anything to do with the way it looks on the 'ample bottoms' as you put it. These people don't care about that. And if we are checking old ladies in pants, can someone explain to me why as men get older they pull their pants up higher and higher? That doesnt look so great either, lol.

 
At 9:25 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Hey Frumgirl; thanks for stopping by!!!!!
Yeah, what is it about men and pants up to their chests?

 
At 12:04 AM, Blogger boneman said...

OK, maybe I shouldn't be here, but, the conversation caught me and I just wandered along....
Who is it that feels compelled to be a judge in these matters? Doesn't it happen to most folks that sometimes one puts on something and it makes them feel like,
makes them feel like, well...
I dunno. Like, sometimes I put on m' blue jeans and boots and way too many shirts (cause it's cold outside) and a jacket, and then, I feel like almost invulnerable.
Not that I am, you see. Only that it makes me feel as such.
My Ma, a double m from the fifties always wore a top. Always.
Even after Dad was gone and I was moved back to the fort, she would wear her top.
"Ma," I would say on the phone, "Yer hot as all get out and yer wearing yer top, aren't ya?"
"Yeah"

When asked, she would say, because it helped her feel like a woman.

Ah, pants or dresses. You feel like you want to or you suffer in silence and to the whims of someone who thinks maybe you don't look so good in some things.
Me?
Heck, I would move to Scotland if I could afford it. I know the secret, girls....and it ain't no big secret at that.
Skirts are comfortable in the summer time.
Course, some Scotman gets a hold o'me fer calling them thingies "skirts" and, well, I dunno...

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

Well, basically kas, their expanding girths keep it up. It used to be a joke about yekkes that i cannot recall right now.

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger Eshet Chayil said...

all this european lingo goes right over my head. i haven't understood half of the comments...

 
At 5:18 AM, Blogger Stacey said...

I am not frum, but I love wearing skirts and dresses because they are so feminine and I am such a girlie-girl!

 
At 3:30 PM, Blogger Moochy said...

I hate when they pack those tummy's into "trousers"

 
At 4:26 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

boneman; hi there!

Stacey; I'm with you on that- I love skirts too!

Eshet; thanks for coming to my party! In my next post, I'll explain why I talk 'europeanese'!

Hey Moochy! It's gross!

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger HanginUp said...

While I agree with you for the most part you have to admit that there is something to be said about putting on a sexy pair of jeans in the morning (if you do have a fit body) with any semi-decent looking top and cute pointy shoes and looking very fashionable running out on a quick errand as opposed to the other women who pull on a jean skirt with a hoodie sweatshirt and look like they have just rolled out of bed. If my husband allowed it - would be sporting trousers in a minute.

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger HanginUp said...

Oh, and I especially love when the "frum" ladies leave the gym in their short black skirts with their black exercise pants on underneath and their hair covered in a bandana - now that's what I call a 911 fashion emergency!!

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Hanginup; I know what you mean! I have this 'thing' about women not looking decent when they leave the house.

 
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