Tuesday, May 9

Lego My Ego

Welcome Back Kasambettes and Kasamboys!

I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you to my ego, her name is Presumptua. It is because of her that I am writing this down, and it is because of her that I wrote all the nice flattering things about myself. She feels that more credit should be given to her. She wants to be appreciated. She feels that other people do not respect her as much as she deserves. She wants everyone to look at her and admire her. She wants constant compliments. She wants everyone to leave lovely messages on her blog. She thinks that she’s a real Tzadekes and if she does anything wrong, it’s not her fault. She judges people and automatically assumes the worst. She is me.

When she is around, there is no room for anyone else, except for her. She is the whole world and everything revolves around her. She has learned early on to concede with a false smile every time she was meant to share and give up credit and attention. But she wanted it and resented everyone who denied it to her. She took up a lot of space in the cranial hard drive. No, with her around there would be no room for anyone else, and that included HaKodosh Baruchu. How could there be? How can you be an Eved Hashem and concede all your desires and needs in order to do for Him, if your ego tells you that you should be doing for yourself? How can you truly appreciate all that He does for you if you feel that you deserve it anyway? As soon as I recognised that until now, my ego had effectively overthrown my Neshama and was residing as king of my mind and my emotions, I came up with a plan to stage a counter coup and usurp her regime.
(Drumroll, please…)

I started going to Shiurim. Not just a few, but many. Besides, now that I wasn’t gossiping my telephone time had decreased substantially, opening up vast amounts of free time windows in my day. I also started listening to Torah tapes. Constantly. I found that the more I immersed myself in Torah and Torah thoughts, Presumptua (my ego, remember?) wasn’t such a strong figure in my brain. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still had evil thoughts about people and would smile that ‘you don’t know what I’m thinking’ smile.
But at the same time that I would allow Presumptua her moment of triumph, the rest of me that had been absorbing all the timeless messages from all the amazing people that I had been learning from would prevail.

So, meet the G-D SQUAD: Rabbi Berel Wein, Rabbi Akiva Tatz, Rabbi Shimon Wiengarten, Rabbi Joseph Perlamn, Rabbi Yissochar Frand, Rabbi Pesach Krohn, Mrs. Yocheved Kahan, Rebbbetzin Joanne Dove and Mrs. Chana Juravel

Yeah, I had my evil delicious thought, but then I had my arsenal of Torah thoughts there to combat them. I could give you a million examples, but don’t worry I won’t! Soon I noticed that the time between Presumtua’s first thought and the voice of my Neshama’s arguing Torah thoughts was getting shorter and shorter.
Oh, I haven’t eradicated all bad thoughts entirely, but I am trying and I do notice that if find myself in a situation sometimes I don’t react at all, which I’ll only notice later.

But is that the end of Presumptua?
Will she ever return to full strength?
Is Hillary Clinton really a man?

All these questions will be answered… next time on
La, la, la, la la, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
(Fade out)


At 11:17 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

A serious message delivered in such an humorous way, this has to be art.
I definitely like Kasamba better than Presumtua, and Kasamba has found the perfect tools to battle her imperfect ego, but don't forget that Presumptua in healthy doses is not all bad.
Especially after Kasamba had a hard day she should let Presumptu take over at the very least for a little while.

At 6:35 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Presumptua and I thank you so much!
You made my day!

At 6:39 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I have thought about that question it is a biggie. You put it very nicely and humorously. Don't have an answer for you. I will just say that I believe hashem made the world in such a way that one does think about themselves in order to do avodas hashem. Reward was created to do the will of hashem. It does not take away from the service when you think about yourself.

At 6:45 PM, Blogger Also A Chussid said...

This was really nice.

On the other hand I hope you don’t confuse a shameless ego with a healthy self-esteem…

At 6:52 PM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

Hey, lay off Hillary... I like Hillary!

OK... now Im gonna go read the whole thing, lol.

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Shimon weingarten? the accountant from Stamford Hill?

At 6:59 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Stupid me, I haven't been to bridge Lane in years

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Do you use the eruv?

At 7:18 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Well, I don't think you really caught my gist! Of course you have to do something for yourself- ego assertion is important. However, my goal was to make sure that my ego was not ruling my every decision and every instinct I had.
BTW your daughters hair is stunning!!

Also: Do you think I have a problem with my self esteem? LOL!

Frumgirl: But she is very masculine...

Limey: You got it on the second go!

Ahhh... the eruv... I'm goint to teach now so I'll answer you when I come back!

At 9:29 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Hi Limey! I'm back!
I believe the eruv is 100% kosher, I don't use it though, because our Rav asked us not to and since he paskens all our stuff for us, I have to listen to him even when it's not so comfortable.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

what about trying Chatzi Lashem and Chatzi Lashem first? huh?

At 10:01 PM, Blogger chaverah said...

i have to say very "odd" post. you have a way of expressing yourself in the oddest way, but very funny! dont worry people are human so matter how ggod you try to be their is always that little bad voice that wants out once in a while.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

I can see that not everyone 'chaps' what I was trying to say and that is completely my fault. I am sorry and will explain what I meant on my next post!!!

At 2:06 AM, Blogger JewishBiFemme said...

Lovely blog! You sound like a humorous lady. Looks like its much needed in blog world...

At 3:50 AM, Blogger Amishav said...

Nothing wrong with a bit of Presumptua in your life- after all we aren't trying to go for ego annihilation like hiniyana buddhists. As long as you keep Presumptua in her place, she can be a great source of strenght for you.

At 4:22 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

You are sumpin else...lol
I like Presumtua..there must be a place for her in the new kasmaba order...

At 9:04 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

You’re both welcome, let's just stay away from full fledged schizophrenia :)

At 9:45 AM, Blogger Dot Co Dot Il said...

You are wonderful :)

At 10:36 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

i 'chap-ed' :) and ditto to what pragmatician said :)

At 2:59 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

JewishBi: Thank you!

Amishav: Now THAT's what I meant!

Lovely David: Oh, she's here all right!

Dot co dot; Your check is in the post!;)

Prag and Sarah: Thanks from me! (and me!)

At 3:02 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

You can't shut Presumptua out -- because in part, that's what defines what you are. Life is a balancing act and you just need to channel Presumptua to do the things Kasamba wants to do (rather than the other way around).

Something tells me I'd like Kasamba with a side order of Presumptua better than Kasamba solo. But in either case, I'm glad to hear that you're conscious of the two personas.

By the way, you left out Rabbi Yisroel Reisman who gives an amazing Navi shiur. His series is called Pathways of the Prophets. You can purchase tapes and CDs at Artscroll.com

At 4:25 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Must: Bingo! (someone give the man a cigar!)
That is so funny that you mention Rabbi Yisroel Reisman, because I had to order his tapes in specially- he is excellent! Yup, that was an oversight!

At 8:42 PM, Blogger The Jewish Freak said...

Kasamba: You can not do anything for G-d. It's all for you! An ethical life is a happier life. A life guided by reality rather than by ego is a happier life.

At 11:12 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Jewish Freak:
Too true!
I couldn't have said it better myself!

At 1:51 AM, Blogger G Green said...

Most people either don’t want to hear what you are saying or choose to ignore it (or are too dumb) but the ego can give us false ideas too. People only see what they want to see, especially when it comes to Torah. The subliminal message may get through to some but to most, even if it hits them in the face, they will ignore it.

You really have a great knack for writing (as we all know!) so please don’t give up. [Have you ever thought about journalism?] I wouldn’t suggest you try anything else, your humorous style attracts the readers. Eventually they will get the message.

At 4:32 AM, Blogger Jewish Thinker said...

Perhaps you both could give me an opinion on this:

At 2:09 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

GGreen; You are so nice to me! And me! THANK YOU!!!!

Jewish Thinker: That was written by a 14 year old?

At 4:58 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Egos are dangerous little things, aren't they?
But I agree with pragmatician a healthy dose on a crummy day is a good thing-- of course, on a crummy day I think it would be hard to find your ego. I guess that when we call our moms or our close friends.
I enjoy reading about your journey. You have lessons for us all.

At 5:07 PM, Blogger s.J. said...

hope it all goes good.

At 6:09 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I did get your gist an you didn't get mine. I am saying that I don't think you can have too much of your ego in a mitzvah b/c hashem created the world so we would want to do the mitzvos because of incentive. I am saying it's not bad and not too much ego. Thanks for the compliment on my daughter's hair.

At 9:52 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Bonnieb: They can be dangerous little things! Then on crummy days they blame everyone else...
Thank you for joining me on my journey!

SJ: Thanks sweetie!

Whew! I feel better!
(I look forward to more pictures of your daughter!)

At 11:29 PM, Blogger s.J. said...

that's some sort of dietic sweetener.
i'm a real boy!

At 5:32 AM, Blogger shmishposh said...

Sounds like you're doing great. Its the struggle and striving that brings you closer to Hashem to be his oved, so, good job (IMHO). :)

At 8:00 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Sj: I know!

Thank you! I'm dancing as fast as I can!

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