Monday, January 1

Six Special Things about Me

As you know, I don’t take instruction well.
Even if I get a recipe, I always do my own thing. So when Sara with no H tagged me for this meme, I thought, why not? But, Sara forgive me, I’m not going to follow the rules stipulated in your lovely post. If someone wants the rules then they can click on your link on the side of my blog because I don’t know how to link in the post. Plus, I don’t like the word weird, I like the word special, especially with a Spanish accent so it sounds so ‘thepthial’.

Six special things about me:
1- I am Bentchaphobic.
I adore eating bread and the like, but if it means that I have to bentch… well, you get the idea. I will pass over every sandwich or other type of food that has to made Hamotzei over. So, I only eat Challah on Shabbos and then hope that it’s not Shabbos Rosh Chodesh and have to say Yaalei Veyavo. The worst is when Rosh Chodesh falls on Shabbos Chanukah and then I feel like I’ve been bentching for years. It’s funny because I don’t usually mind davening, it’s just I like to eat and run, which you can’t do when you have to bentch. Anyways phobias are supposed to be irrational.

2- I am Fleishaphobic.
I can’t stand being fleishig.
I love eating chicken and other cute fuzzy animals once their souls are properly dispatched to the Afterlife, but I feel nauseous knowing that I won’t be able to have milchigs for another five hours and 1 minute. I was so excited to marry Mr Kasamba because he only waited three hours between meat and milk. But then, he decided to take on five hours and one minute so that he would be waiting within the sixth hour. How frum. How inconsiderate to me. My minhag from home was to wait six hours so you have to trust me that his three hours waiting time was a big selling point. Well, at least I got to reduce the wait for 59 minutes. So, I will only eat meat on Shabbos or if it’s already too late for me to visit my favourite therapists; Ben & Jerrys.

3- I am Magiphobic.
I hate magic and the people that call themselves magicians.
I break out in a cold sweat and start to shake when anyone asks me to choose a card, any card. Grrrrr. It all started when I was but a mere child and I only witnessed the first half of a program on the tumah box in my friends home. It was an episode of the Brady Bunch that dealt with one of the children trying their hand at magic and making someone disappear and then getting freaked out because they never reappeared. Because I had to leave in the middle and I didn’t have a TV at home, I never got to see what happened at the end and have had this irrational fear as a result. I guess that’s why my grandfather called TV a ‘Time Vaster’.

4- I am Directionally Challenged
I have absolutely no sense of direction.
I can’t find my way out of a paper bag. With this challenge, comes a gift; the gift of obstinacy. So, I go the wrong way, 100% sure that I am going the right way, that is, until I reach another county or another country. Knowing this Mr Kasamba, bought me a satellite navigational device. But that doesn’t work either. I just don’t trust her.
She tells me to go right, I take a left. I also don’t remember landmarks and places I’ve visited a thousand times. And I have no memory for names of roads either. One of Mr Kasamba’s party tricks is asking me to tell him where a certain road is.
Of course I can not and it causes much mirth and hilarity because the street he named is usually two blocks away.
Oh, ha, ha, ha. I’m killing myself laughing. Not.
It’s okay, I get my retribution whenever I get lost and I call my Husband for directions. He asks me, “Where are you?” and I say,
I’m next to a tree and a lamppost”.

5-
I am an Embarrassing Mother
My kids never realised how embarrassing I was until they noticed that other mothers don’t behave like I do.
Other mothers don’t:
A- Bring pom-poms to cheer at their kids’ school sports events.
B- Leave lipstick kisses all over their kids’ schoolwork.
C- Cook wearing a tiara.
D- Hang eight foot American flags outside their windows.
E- Make everything into a song.
F- Speak really loudly in public so the kids will stop asking things.
G- Dress their kids in the wackiest clothing until they’re able to complain.
H- Show photos of their kids as babies cavorting with the opposite sex.
In the bath.

6- My Brain has no Off Button
I can’t turn my brain off. It’s running the entire time.
I am so petrified to lose a thought that I keep a notebook with me all the time. If I don’t get all my ideas out I’m scared I might self combust and there would be pieces of brain matter everywhere. Shabbos is always very difficult for me because then I’m always afraid I won’t recall whatever brilliant idea I come up with on Shabbos after Shabbos ends. I even keep a notebook next to my bed so I can wake up and jot down whatever comes to me. Because of this, I can’t fall asleep so rapidly, instead I am always running on ‘high speed’. I actually have to wait until my brain has been purged and ‘downloaded’ of all its notions and only then can I ‘hybernate’.
But it seems I can never ‘log off’.


As far as tagging, Kasamba runs after no one-
unless they holding bars of chocolate.

But you're all ‘thpethial’ to me!

36 Comments:

At 12:17 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Ach, mein child, your blog is one ting dat is not a Time Vaster - I love to spend mein time vit it!
:)

But seriously, shame you didn't tag me, Kas..especially because it fits in with doing weird and bendy rule stuff, since I've stopped writing on mine! lol

Maybe I'll bend some things..and do the meme on mine BECAUSE you didnt tag me! Hee Hee.

Love ya always, Oh Quirky One (although the most normal person I know too...hmmmm - now how does that work? LOL)

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger Shoshana said...

Very funny - your poor kids! Your first two I actually heard (I think) Rabbi Keleman speak about. The others are just hilarious! Happy New Year!

 
At 4:43 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Towik:
I anticipate your new post!!!
Consider yourself tagged!

Shoshana:
Thanks but who is Rabbi Kelleman?

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger Sara with NO H said...

Haha you have to seriously be the coolest mom ever. Thanks for doing the tag! I want to cook in a tiara!

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger SJ said...

Hooray you are so much fun! As a girl who has always waited three hours (thank you, parents!) I am a little scared of that day in the future when (Be"H) I will have to take on someone else's minhag...I guess I shall just have to search high and low for a good Yekke :) (or a Brit, because I've heard everyone waits 3 hours over there...except you, apparently). Also, as far as being directionally challenged...well, I'm right there with you. Also I still don't know the difference between left and right. It's rather a problem.

 
At 11:03 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

I relate to ur direction thing as u pointed out
Also to ur fleishgphobia
Every time I eat fleishig I mentally ready myself for a 6 hour coffee free time..and its not easy..

 
At 12:49 AM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I am also directionally challenged. Great ones.

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger Amishav said...

You are indeed a special one Kasamba- I'm sorry to hear that you may soon cease blogging- you write well and have interesting things to say- please don't stop soon! And btw, I also will go way out of my way to not bench.

 
At 3:08 AM, Blogger Shoshana said...

Rabbi Leib Keleman is a rabbi at Neve Yerushalayim and has written several books, including "Permission to Believe", "Permission to Receive" and "To Kindle a Soul" (and possibly others, I just don't know them off the top of my head). He's an amazing speaker and very inspirational. I think you would LOVE him.

 
At 4:24 AM, Blogger Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

Kasamwa,

Yow wlog is te puniest mos’ delithas one oph all! I’m ooked!

Kip it ahp!

(I sheering you ahn wit my pom-poms, ‘thpesially por you!)

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger BagelUndertheCouch said...

you're lucky your husband probably gives you understandable directions. my dad says, "ok, you're gonna have to go north-northwest and go for about 3 kilometers (I LIVE IN AMERICA) and when you see a house that has this thing...you know...the thing...."

GAH. i need to marry someone who has an intelligible sense of direction.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Nemo said...

I'm so totally with you on that Fleishig thing. I won't eat meat in the afternoons even if I have no access to Milk cause ya never know... And it's proven worthwhile so many times... and I've suffered for breaking it too.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

Buy yourself a TOM TOM.....

My dad got one for me as everytime i ventured out in my car alone, he would receive a phone call from me; "dad, I'm lost..." or something along those lines!

 
At 12:36 PM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

It's brilliant, I don't like the word weird either.thepthia, is so much more complimentary(depend son the tone).

It's that I can't resist the smell of fresh bread or I'd never wash either.

 
At 2:09 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

This is hysterical. I love how you twisted the MEME to your liking.

As for me, I agree all kids should be dressed in ridiculous clothing until they are old enough to put up a good fight-- and then we should just buy the clothes for birthdays

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

lol!!!!

well, you definitely are a unique one!

(although i can identify with number six. why else would i be up at this stupid hour.)

 
At 4:45 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

What a great posting!

Chaval I only got around to reading it NOW!

:)

 
At 4:55 PM, Blogger Scraps said...

Hehehe...I can relate to the bentchaphobia and the fleishigsphobia to a degree, though I'll make exceptions to them so perhaps I don't have them so badly. I actually like magic, so I can't relate to #3. As for #4, well, my mother can get in line behind you, I suppose...never thought I'd hear of someone more directionally challenged than her! But you seem to manage it. :-P My mother was never as embarrassing, either, for which I am eternally grateful. Regarding #6, I can TOTALLY relate--I have such a hard time falling asleep at night unless I'm totally exhausted body and soul, because otherwise I can't stop thinking.

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger RR said...

"F- Speak really loudly in public so the kids will stop asking things"

ROTFL- brilliant!!!

Loved your list, Kasamba- especially the part about your magicphobia being caused by Peter Brady's ineptitude as a magician- as I remember, it thcared Thindy, too!

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

actually, i think it was rabbi orlofsky,not rabbi kelemen :)

and i can so relate to your phobias!
the first two.. i force myself to overcome, cuz it feels sooooo silly.. but the third.. the magic.. eek.. it gives me the creeps. as do clowns. puppets..
childhood trauma?!

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger nuch a chosid said...

loved it!

 
At 3:33 AM, Blogger chaverah said...

lol oyu are to much! My brain never turns off either! and I think most women hate to be fleisheig!

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Mooks, I think you're right...
My sis read Kas's post..and said she heard the same on R Orlofsky!
:)

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Sara with no H:
Thanks for being so understanding about the rules!!!

Sj:
I knew I could relate to you!

David:
Tell me about it!

Socialworker:
Thanks!

Amishav:
I think I'm gonna wrap things up in Feb!

Shoshana:
He sounds Fab! On your say so I'm going to the bookstore!

Shpitzle:
And I'm cheering you on!

Bagel:
LOL! Your dad sounds like a hoot!

Nemo:
You're right- you never know...

Next Contender:
But that's the sat nav I have!

Prag:
Thanks as always!

Bonnie:
Well, I am twisted!

Sarah:
I like the word 'unique'!

Jameel:
(wink)
It's never too late!

Scraps:
You are so much more mature than I am!

RR:
You remember!!!!!

M00ks:
I ADORE Rabbi Orlafsky!!!
Childhood trauma indeed!

Nuch a Chussid:
Thanks!

Chaverah:
so, you know how it is!!!!

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger westbankmama said...

I can't believe you married someone who waited three hours and then he changed on you...it definitely was one of westbankpapa's selling points on our first date that he shared the three hour minhad.

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

WBM:
I know!!!!

 
At 11:37 PM, Blogger Jewish Smörgåsbord said...

I love to bentch, but only if it includes singing. We only bentched on Friday´s after Shabbes dinner and we all love it, we sing as loud as we can and don´t care about the neighbours :)

Be happy you didn´t marry a dutch, I heard they are waiting 9 hours!!!!

So funny that you have no direction sense AS WELL. My hubby bought a navigator system this week as I don´t find my way around Stockholm, not even when I walk.... So this morning I drove to work following the nice British-English speaker (you can even choose which accent of English you prefer) until the nice guy told me: "you are over the speed limit, you are over the speed limit". I couldn´t stop laughing and didn´t hear what he said next...

I like this Meme, maybe I will consider myself tagged and do it too. Even with a big delay as everybody seems to have done it already :D

 
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