Tuesday, November 28

Love me, Love my Laryngitis

At first it was nothing, really nothing much
It was just a little sore, really just a touch.
Soon enough it began hurt for me to swallow
And sure enough I knew what was to follow
When I extended my mouth wide in the mirror I saw
That my throat was completely red, it was completely raw
After a few days of living with my throat like that
I could no longer keep my condition under my hat

My voice changed and became beautifully husky and deep
Such a rich baritone that would have made Sinatra weep
Now, I can just imagine what you’d be wont to say
What normal woman would want to sound that way?
But you would have understood, had you been there
Then you would have twigged why I would care
Because as soon as there was no one home anymore
Could I belt out ballads that were too deep for me before
Oh, how I loved that stage, but it didn’t last all that long
I wasn’t meant to retain that lovely timbre, I was wrong

Because before I knew it, the next thing I knew, lo and behold
My voice went from smooth butter to butter covered in mold
I sounded like I smoked sixty packs of cigarettes a day
And forty pipes, fifty cigars and hookahs from Bombay
That scratchy sound swiftly turned into a croak
Bringing to mind a rusty door hinge when I spoke
But the worst part was, I feel I really must assert
There was no more singing and my throat really hurt!

(How could I know there would be more thrill to this ride?
Ah, my friends I tell you the rest, then you can decide.)

Soon I had absolutely no voice, yes no voice at all
And the kids and the husband had become enthralled
No nagging, no yelling, not even one single squeak
‘Ooh’
they thought ‘life’s good when Mum can’t speak’
But then when things unexpectedly took a turn for the worse
What they thought was a blessing just have been a curse!

Because I had no voice, I could not answer the phone
And all I could do was shrug when my kids would moan
To help them with homework I now had to take a backseat
While Husband read them bedtime stories, I put up my feet
I could now discipline with just one sharp look in my eye
(It works twice as well as shrieking, I can now testify!)
I was more relaxed than I had been in years, almost nonchalant
I just pointed at something, and everyone had to guess what I want!

Alas, I knew it couldn’t go on and I knew the game was up
When the teas started pouring in, cup after cup after cup
And Husband booked a doctors appointment for the next day
Now I’m just looking for any excuse for this trip to delay
You see, I know antibiotics would work and heal me I bet
I would like my voice back sometime, but not quite just yet.

30 Comments:

At 3:27 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

lol. :-D

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Scraps said...

You're a funny, funny lady. :-D I hope you get your voice back...as soon as you're ready for it, anyway. ;-)

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

:)

 
At 7:33 PM, Blogger Karl said...

I hope you have a Refuah Shaleima, when the time is right!

B"H you can still amuse us all even without your voice!

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

ah, but you can still type.......
THERE IS NO SHUTTING DOWN THE GREAT KASAMBA!!!!!!!

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Wow...Im commenter number 5.

Woo Hoo! Time for a song about FIVE

Hmm..maybe I should get more sleep before I comment.

Kasamba: Feel Better!

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Oh man! That Limey blogger snuck in while I was commenting!

ARG! That makes me only number 6...

So here's a video for six (ok, and no more comments from me tonight, this is the LAST one)

I remember these songs...which is pretty scary.

 
At 2:17 AM, Blogger Chasidishe Shaigitz said...

LOL! LMAO!!! You kasamba are brilliant!

Refuash Shelaima, and then good luck faking it ;)

 
At 3:21 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

lol. it's great that you can find the positive of even a sore throat.

feel better!!!

 
At 4:06 AM, Blogger RaggedyMom said...

Hilarious and so clever! I'm going to second Karl and say that thankfully you can still blog with laryngitis! Feel good!

 
At 4:17 AM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

funny!
i always think that it must be the worst for a mom to get sick, cuz theres no one to take care of her..
but i see uve trained your men well :)

 
At 7:10 AM, Blogger Tzvi Meir said...

Refua shleima!! I was just gonna email you and ask where you have been...

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Good thing it didn't affect your sense of humor or your writing skills:)

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger cruisin-mom said...

kasamba: too funny. I say, conveniently do not get your voice back anytime soon. (but keep writing please)

 
At 4:52 PM, Blogger yingerman said...

very funny
have a happy and a healthy

 
At 6:01 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Feel good and it's terrific to have your sense of humor for times like this:).

 
At 7:10 PM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

wish ya better!

 
At 6:26 AM, Blogger Mia said...

Kasamaba, you are just amazing (and hilarious)!!! Refuah Shelema when the time is right :D

 
At 5:09 PM, Blogger Amishav said...

Isn't it interesting when when lose something that we are so familiar with, like our voices? I have a teacher friend of mine who starts each year out by not saying anything to his students for a full two weeks. He communicates through written directions and gestures. Its amazing. He always says he's sad when he has to start talking because the students will actually pay less attention!

But leave it to Kasamba to take an illness and turn it into a blessing. You're cool K.

 
At 5:28 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

lol..cute cute cute

 
At 1:31 AM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

I'd like to give my kddies a nice dose of laryngitis!

 
At 12:21 AM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

lol...Here is to getting your voice back quickly.

I see you still have your mind and good sense of humor, both blessings.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Baleboosteh said...

I hope you are feeling better soon!
:D

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger flör said...

wowzers!
got yerself a place on The Frum Community I see..

Rotsa ruck! (& I act like i've never seen you before)

 
At 10:08 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Attention all Bloggers:

I looooooooved all your lovely comments but unfortunately RL has left me barely any to answer anyone invidually, even though each of you deserves it!

So here's my collective comment:
Thank you for all the good wishes and compliments!!!! I got my voice back now!

 
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