Tuesday, October 24

The Chalice in the Palace

And so, the beautiful Princess ‘mit allah malles’, Celery (well, she is tall) married her darling Prince Rubarb ‘the top-top-top-learner’ and they live happily ever after.

But in my haste, I am running myself over (ouch).

So, to continue from my last post, we finally left the Vienna airport to go to our hotel. The taxi driver, although looking quite austere and not speaking one word of English had a thing for cheesy good old fashioned American music. Now I like John Denver as much as my next Loubitan clad sister, but even I think that hearing ‘Country Road’ four times in a row is just a bit excessive.

As in most European hotels, they write English like they speak German.
It is a real hoot.
On the elevators they had a sign proclaiming
‘Do Not Use In Case of Fire’.
Had I been a few diet cokes short of a six pack, I would have felt compelled to use the stairs.

Ya. It is so.
(Never mind what my teachers said, I am proficient in foreign languages.)

The chuppah was in a palace that was drop dead stunning and had seen many centuries and many of its inhabitants drop dead as well. Both the building and the garden looked like they were plucked straight out of Versailles, except for one thing: The artwork.

Apparently when one makes a simcha, the sight of pre-Raphaelite females in their birthday suits is a big no-no.
So, get this, they strategically covered all the offending artistry.
The statues were draped in cloth while the paintings had paper fans tastefully stuck to their naughty bits.
I just assume that what London does for slits, Vienna does for art.
Oh, to be Jewish and modest!

BUT once my niece walked in, all thoughts of art were promptly forgotten. Celery looked ethereal in a dress of off white lace and chiffon. She looked more Grace Kelly than Grace herself. There was nary a dry eye in the palace when Rhubarb arrived for the Badeken, except for one thing:
The Badeken cloth was so thick that she could easily have been a Challah instead of a Kallah.
And takeh, when they gave the Brochos under the chuppah they said, “Mesameach Chusson im HACHALLOH”
You see, even they couldn’t tell the difference!

Then the Chuppah started to billow and sway and I thought the weather had turned, but it hadn’t, it was just the Chusson shuckling at forty miles per hour and davening with his eyes closed. I mean, this guy, my new nephew Rhubarb, was so engrossed in his discourse with our Creator (Probably thanking Him for such a fabulous bride) I almost felt like an intruder on such a private conversation.
Anyway, he created a nice breeze.

(Coming up next: The wedding dinner)


At 6:36 PM, Blogger Nemo said...

Jews know how to throw the craziest Simchas, eh?

That's it, I'm throwing my wedding in the american equivalent of a palace; a fort. They're also quite historic with all the many Indians that've been scalped there.

At 6:59 PM, Blogger Sara with NO H said...

This sounds amazing. I wish I could've been there. And nice to see the boy davened like that at the chuppah. I've seen that before too and it's a sight to behold in itself.

At 10:57 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...


sounds wonderful! (even if the artwork has been strategically covered for the event.)

thick badeken cloth = tea towel.
I find it odd that the first time the girl gets to actually see the event is on video after the day.

mazal tov again :)

At 2:30 AM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Mazel tov on the wedding.

It sounds as if you are having an unforgtable time.

Enjoy the rest of your trip.

At 4:45 AM, Blogger Lost said...

*huge smirk*
Sounds like quite a reception - fans not included. Great blog btw.

At 5:05 AM, Blogger Chana said...

They couldn't have just thrown t-shirts on the statues? ;)

Keep the stories coming!!

At 6:40 AM, Blogger Scraps said...

LOL! You crack me up, dear. Mazal tov!

At 9:48 AM, Blogger ifonly said...

John Denver by the way - very very funny

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Sounds nice, very special.
The poor guys here trying to come up with something more outrageous than the last outrageous simchah fail miserably.
I'll just have to forward this post to them.
Grace Kelly? What a lucky guy!

At 12:41 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

hilaaaarious as usual.

at least they covered them and no wiseguys could try to take a marker and draw moustaches and funny bits on the private bits. mustve looked a bit ghostly with all those sheets.

At 2:16 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

So happy it was wonderful. I don't think I will be able to sleep until I hear the next installment lol.

At 7:10 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Will you invite me?

Sara with no H:
It really was!

You're right! And it will be the first time she'll see her chusson shuckle!

Thank you!

Why thanks!

Stay tuned!

Thanks sweetie!

I also heard the Carpenters there!

He is a lucky guy!

It was a hoot!

Aw! You just know what to say!

At 7:43 PM, Blogger kollel mama said...

Funny post! I want to tell you why some people wear those thick veils ( if you can even call it that!) cuz I did, by choice. Like you said, you almost felt as if you were intruding when you saw the chassan davening and I wanted to daven properly without everyone watching every facial expression of mine. Another reason is, I didn't want to get distracted by looking out at the crowd- I wanted to stay focused.
Most people in Vienna that I know are sort of chassidish and I think it's a chassidish minhag-although not sure, so maybe thats why she wore it.

At 8:37 PM, Blogger Mia said...

LOL (I mean literally!!!) Your stories are hilarious and you definitely need to publish a book - it will be a bestseller in no time and for long!!!

Glad you had such a fantastic time in Vienna!

On a side note: in Switzerland you stand with your back to the crowd and you are facing the aron hakodesh, it is so you can´t get distracted.....

At 12:11 AM, Blogger Chasidishe Shaigitz said...

lol :) Sounds like it was quite a wedding, what about the dancing/music oh and most important, was there a open bar? ;)

Hope your having (had?) a great vacation, enjoy! and I'm not talking about the artwork.

At 12:59 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

that was one funny post!
glad this top-top-top learner is out of the way to make room for the next top-top-top..lol

At 12:30 PM, Blogger Pretty Green Eyes said...

The Badeken cloth was so thick that she could easily have been a Challah instead of a Kallah.
And takeh, when they gave the Brochos under the chuppah they said, “Mesameach Chusson im HACHALLOH”

LMAO absolutly hillarious!!

At 12:35 PM, Blogger tafka PP said...

Er, *Bob* Denver?!

- Celery and Rhubarb actually can taste quite nice cooked together... just so long as the right spices are used!

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Freedom TelAviv said...

what wa s on th emenu? did you have nice nibblies?

At 5:24 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Gruss Gott!!

At 5:41 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Kollel mama:
I know but....

You are so sweet!!!

Chassidshe Shaigetz:
Thanks- we had a great time!

You're the best!

Pretty Green eyes:
Thank you for noticing!!!

I was soooo tired I said Gilligan when I should have said John!!! And then Ifonly tried to tell me- but that's what I thought I wrote!!!! HAAAAAA!!!!!



At 12:14 PM, Blogger torontopearl said...

Kasamba, I think you ought to be on staff of Town & Countryy Magazine (does that still exist in the U.S.?) and edit/write the society pages describing international parties and "chushuv" weddings. I can just picture your descriptions of these affairs!

At 5:51 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

I just wish I could have seen the paintings-- how funny.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

How fast would they fire me???

It was bizarre!

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