Thursday, September 21

Don’t Judge This Post by This Title

The American Indians have a saying, Never judge a man until you walk a mile in his moccasins. According to my friend Uri (who really does know everything) this is because Indians moccasins are made from very thin leather soles and provide almost no protection from the road. When moccasins wear out, you might as well be shoeless because you can feel every pebble and grit that’s on the ground. Therefore, unless you walk in another person’s moccasins and feel how worn they are, you won’t know what that person is feeling at that space in time.

Hillel said in Mishna Avos, “Don’t judge your neighbour until you’ve been in his place.” So, unless you can honestly say that you were in exactly the same situation and had the same frame of mind as that other person, can you judge him/her.
We’re supposed to give everyone the benefit of the doubt even when circumstances dictate otherwise.
We must try to be ‘Dan Lekaf Zcuss’.

AHA!!!!
Why am I writing this, you might ask?
I will tell you.

I am having a hard time at the moment with giving certain people the benefit of the doubt and I have one more day before Rosh Hashana to work it out so there you go.
Now I, Kasmaba, will try to walk a mile in someone else’s moccasins, loafers, high heels, platforms, flip-flops, crocs or whatever.
(Drum roll please….)
Hey, wait a second, I seem to be the only one wearing my sparkly, sequin encrusted, spandex tightrope bodysuit ensemble!!! I’m not doing this on my own, you know!
You better go and get yours -tout suite- because we’re going out on a wire here!!!!
Go on!!!
Sheesh, how long does it take you to get dressed?
Okay, that’s better, you look great, now we can get started.
(Drum roll again, please….)
The aim of the following exercise is to help you and me to open up to an entirely new way of looking at people. We will try to change our perspective. We will train ourselves to look at the flip side of every person’s situation and not to take everything at face value.
.
Here’s the key- think “What’s their Story?
Every time we will think of someone who is annoying, hurtful or just plain wicked, we will think “What’s their story?”

We’re going to have to be very creative. It’s going to take a very heartbreaking story in order for our feelings of anger and annoyance to turn to pity. Keeping that sad scenario in the front of our thoughts every time that person begins to drive us up the wall, will hopefully help us to excuse them and not judge them.

Example #1:
A relative of your next door neighbour always parks in front of your drive, causing you to have to manoeuvre for seven point three seconds to get out of your own driveway.

Sad story:
This man has been abandoned by his parents and was raised by wolves. The poor blighter never received human love until he was rescued at age nine, whence it was already too late to teach him manners.


Example 2:
Every time you see this person they always manage to smile and say something to you in front of others, which is highly insulting and embarrassing. If you dare to take offence and complain to them, they then claim that you are too sensitive.

Sad story:
When this person was but a mere child, he had a huge mole on the end of his nose. His peers (and his Mum and Dad) teased him and tormented him mercilessly, calling him, “Holey Moley”. When he was in fifth grade his mole sprouted hair. Once, when he fell asleep in Biology he awoke to find the entire class (and the teacher) crowded around him laughing because someone had braided his mole hair and stuck a bead on the end. He had the mole removed at 17, but he’s been bitter ever since.


Example 3:
Nosy friend wants to know what you’ve been up to, who’ve you’ve been with and what you bought. Whenever she calls you, you feel as if you are being interrogated (and your eyes hurt you from the bright lights she shines on them to see if you are telling the truth). She wants to know everything so much that you end up hiding things from her, which in turn makes her hungrier to know what you’re hiding.

Sad story:
She grew up in house where everyone kept secrets from her. Even her siblings spoke ‘Ubby Dubby’ language that she could not possibly understand. She only found out her own name when she was five. Her parents told her she was getting married but they didn’t tell her to whom. Since no one told her anything, she made it her life’s work to find out everything about everyone else.
Poor dear.

Example #4:
He never stops talking about how much money he has, the car he drives or the vacations he goes on. And he does. Go on and on and on.

Sad story:
He was forced to live under the stairs in his Aunt and Uncles house. Two wizards came to save him and shlepped him to wizarding school. Then his father figure went behind a curtain and died and then his headmaster was killed by his teacher.

Heartbreaking, isn’t it???
Well done my kasambuddies!
I think you got the gist so you can change out of your sparkly bodysuits now!
A lot of people walk around with so much residual childhood pain, that it affects their characters and their interpersonal relationships. The same way I don’t want the Almighty to judge me harshly is the same way I have to work on myself STAT to accept people warts, moles et all and hopefully I won’t judge or G-d forbid condemn them.

I wish you all a K’asiva Vechasima Tova and a Gut Genbenshed Yur.
May this New Year bring us only Nachas, happiness, good health and peace!!!

37 Comments:

At 10:28 PM, Blogger Scraps said...

ROFL

You're a riot, dear.

K'tivah v'chatimah tovah!

 
At 10:42 PM, Blogger jemima3 said...

lol. Kesivah vechasimah tovah!

 
At 11:05 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

shana tovah, health, wealth, stealth, happiness und aller broches, nachas from der kinder, May Brent Cross rescind their parking fee threats, may Barnet council revoke all parking zones in gg and finchley, may there be peace among am yisroel, may we merit the geulah sheleima bimhaira viyameinum AMEN AMEN. Keep smiling kasambamama. Love ya.
;-D

 
At 11:09 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

manoeuvre IS NOT HOW ITS SPELLED IN MONSEY....

i agree with kish

 
At 11:15 PM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

no time to read now but absolutely want to to wish Shanah Tova!

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Scraps:
Thanks dear!
You too!

Jemima:
Have a gut gebensht yur!

Kish:
What can I say????
You were my inspiration, my reason for blogging, cuz you're the best!!!!
Amen, Amen!!!

Limey:
You try spellcheck on a british computer!!!!
Have a great Yom Tov!!!!

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Prag:
Have a gut gebensht yur!!!!

 
At 12:37 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

as always, a highly amusing post but with a very important message because it's something that's so hard to do!

I know that Hillel said "Don't judge your neighbour etc" and I'm sure it says similar about giving benefit of the the doubt in various other Jewish texts but where I actually understood this concept and began to try and apply it was rather during my English class (can't remember which year) when we were studying 'To Kill a Mockingbird', analysing it depth. I think it was Scout that had to 'put herself in someone elses shoes' to be able to see their point of view and then she act accordingly. We then had to write about it. So the idea stuck with me! I guess it was more palatable at that point than some other, more traditional (read=hebrew) ways of teaching it.

(nevertheless, as a graphic designer, i always judge a book by it's cover :P )

Your scenarios are a very creative reminder to look at people differently, even though it's so hard.
Thank you!! I look forward to many more wonderful posts in the year to come :)

Ketivah VeChatimah Tova, Shana Tova, Chag Sameach!

 
At 1:11 AM, Blogger Chasidishe Shaigitz said...

LOL do me a favor if I were ever to block your drive Be "Dan Lekaf Zcuss" and just tell everyone I'm a shmuck instead of spreading some mad story of how I gew up with the wolves, I mean I don’t know what’s worse, just being a poor shmuck who doesn’t know how to park right or being a jungle boy with no manners ;)

(I see you’re also spending too much time reading Harry potter...)

Have a K'siva Vachasima tova, a happy, healthy and sweet new year!

And of course especially for you a blogwothy year, filled with many joyous and positive posts for you to share.

Shana tova :)

 
At 2:21 AM, Blogger workingema said...

LOL- ok, this got me laughing OUT LOUD, but don't worry- it also made me think....
and I'm sorry I couldn't make it onto the wire- by suit ripped...
hey- does that mean I can hold off being in other people's shoes..?

Have a K'siva V'chasima Tova and a Gut G'bentched Yur!!

 
At 4:40 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

I always know where to go for a good laugh...but its more than a good laugh...
Big Tzaddikim were truly able to concoct these zchusim and truly believe them..
hmm may hashem judge me leniently..too..
and all of us

Ksiva Vchasima Tova
:-)

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger TRW said...

Beautifully done, Kasamba, just beautiful (I especially like the last one - how do you think of such things? Do you frequent cafes? ;) )

Wishing you a c'siva vichasima tova and everything kishmech said should come true AMAIN, plus we should all be zoche to see each other in the coming year at the Bais Hamikdash for Sukkos. Amain!

 
At 5:29 AM, Blogger BagelUndertheCouch said...

if you don't mind, i'll be keeping this sparkly leotard. it really sets off the slimness of my eyebrows.

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger Mia said...

Fantasitc post, I much enjoyed your entertaining way of giving us a lesson and I think you are very right and I´ll try to remember!

Shana tova u metuka!

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Sarah:
I wrote it because it's something I'm struggling with at the moment. If 'to kill a mockingbird' was able to convey this message to you- you're lucky!!!
I wish you a year of stunning photos, good health and simchas!!!
(In London, perhaps???)

Chassideshe Sheigetz;
Oh, you better believe for you- I'd come up with a MUCH better story!!!!!
(hey, you should know me better by now- I'd never repeat my thoughts, I'd just think them loudly!!!
Have a gut gebenshed Yur!!!!!

Workin Ema:
Don't you like shoes????
Have a K'siva Vachasima tova!

David:
Halevi we should all get off lightly!K'siva Vachasima Tova, a happy, healthy and sweet new year!

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Trw:
Here's seconding your Amen with a great big AMEN!!!!!
May you have a gut gebenshed yur and a happy healthy one!


Bagelunderthecouch:
Just your fabulous blog name deserves an award!!!!
You may keep the leotard because good eyebrows deserve to be shown off!

Mia:
Thank you sweetie!
Enjoy married life and have a year full of good health, nachas and happiness!

 
At 1:22 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Wingardiam Livyosa!!!!
Wingardiam LivyoSA!!
lol
That's the magic you need to keep those annoying people from
booootthhhherrrring youuuuu!!!!
LOL!

But for me - the only magic I need in my life...
Is you!

A gut gebentcht yar!!

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Amazing way to be dan lekaf zechus, thank you! I love it, brilliant. Hysterical even when saying such deep thoughts. Have a healthy sweet new year-kesiva vechasima tova. Thanks for your witty posts that added so mucch to my yr.

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger Asparagus said...

the only way I know:
...ahem...umm, the Wingardium Leviosa is the standred spell for make objects fly.



*blink*


A basic banishing charm will do the trick! Shana Tova xXx

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger cruisin-mom said...

so that finally explains why I'm the way I am...it must be those dang wolves that raised me.
Thanks for lesson and hilarity :)

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

asparagus,

couldnt remember what it was for - :)
Making those people fly might do the trick, though!
LOL

shana tova to you too, my beauty!

XXX

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

we're having asparagus soup for second course tonight

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

lol, great lesson, kesivah v'chasima tova

 
At 11:33 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

'to kill a mockingbird' was able to convey this message to you- you're lucky --> it conveyed this message in a way that was understandable to a teenager (or any other age) but it doesn't mean i'm not struggling with actually trying to understand another persons situation, b/c i am.

anyway, it's motzei r'h here already... so all the best for the new year and have a great week :)

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger princesschaya said...

i always say that the principle of 'don't judge a man till u walk a mile in his shoes' suits me fine because by the tme i judge him, i'm a mile away, AND i have his shoes!

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

TOWIK:
Aww, that was magical!!!

Socialworker:
Thanks Sweetie, you too!
May this year bring you only happiness!!!

Asparagus:
Harry Potter takes up too much space in your hard drive!!!!

Crusin:
Never!!!
Hope you had a great Yom Tov!

Limey:
Okay....

Ivnsm:
Thanks darlin!!!!

Sarah:
You know what Rabbi Frand says- you have to pick up messages wherever you can- so I think it's great that you were able to learn so much from that!!!!

Princess Chaya:
LOL!!!!
I'm going to tie my laces extra tight!!!!!

 
At 5:40 PM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Mabay youboo habav aba habupy aband a healbuthy newboo yeabear!

 
At 8:58 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Phsycho toddler:
Thubank yubou!!!!!

 
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