Friday, July 14

KASAMBA’S MA (part one)

Contrary to popular belief, I- being Kasamba, was not created in a Petri dish in a mad scientist’s lab.

No, I have PARENTS.

Real people who raised me and helped me become who I am.
Scary, huh?

This post, as you can gather, is about my mother.
My Mom.
My, “Maaaaa, where are my socks??”

My mother is one of the funniest women alive. Born in Hungary and raised in Israel, she combines old Europe with good cooking and lots of attitude!

She was a stunning girl, who was always mistaken for Natalie Wood, until she had children. Once she had her kiddies, my Dad sort of doubled his investment.
Yup, she gained weight.
Until then, according to my Mom, all she needed to get by was to smile and the world bent over backwards to accommodate her. Suddenly, with her movie star looks covered by a bit of padding, she needed…. a personality. And so, she developed the funniest, most charming personas known to mankind.
Which, of course, she passed over to me.

Every so often, she does lose weight, which makes her look and feel great, but somehow it keeps creeping up again. She says the only disease she would ever wish on herself is anorexia, but even then she says, it would take years to diagnose. About bulimia, she says that she got the first part down; it’s just the second she can’t quite manage.
Oh well, now there’s just more of her to love.

My Mom says what she thinks should be said. She is always the one pointing out the elephant in the room, while everyone else is pretending it is just a potted plant. But she does this in the most endearing way. She has legions of fans spread out throughout the world, and anyone she meets becomes a member of her fan club immediately. You could say she is constantly recruiting.

She gives Heterim. When I stopped putting makeup on, on Shabbos, the woman practically made Kriya. She said to me, “Hashem wants you to be beautiful on Shabbos, go and put some lipstick on; it’s okay, it’s on me!” Everything is ‘on her’.

She can fall asleep anywhere. Standing, sitting- you name it. She is afraid to sit tin the front row of a shiur because she will fall asleep right under the speakers nose.
Which she did to Rabbi Berel Wein.
Twice.

She lives for her kids, especially me. She helps me with my children, forever watching them if I go away with Hubby. I once asked her, “Ma, how can I repay you?” She said, “It’s simple, you do what I do for your kids!” Which of course, G-d willing, I will.

She can diffuse any situation with humour. She comes out with the best lines and can take a potentially traumatic event and turn into a joyous occasion with just a few well placed words.

She is the best cook who creates amazing concoctions but never uses measurements. If you ask her for a recipe, it’s always, “a handful of this and half a handful of that, until it looks ready.” Suuuuuuure. She thinks it’s her duty to feed the world, which is great for me because when she is around I don’t have to feed my family and she does it according to each members specification. Whichever kitchen she’s in becomes a world class restaurant where requests are taken and served promptly.

She is very honest, brutally honest with me and that has always made me strive towards perfection.
I know she’s proud of me and all my achievements,
but not half as proud as I am of her.

55 Comments:

At 8:45 AM, Blogger Ezzie said...

[sniff] Awww...!!

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Wow, what a beautiful portrait, I believe only a handful of readers can put claim to such an amazing and skillful parent!
Give her nachas.

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger the sabra said...

ya well, my mommy can beat up ur mommy!

seriousness aside, my question is what you are trying to wriggle outta her.


(love the part of "..it’s okay, it’s on me!” Everything is ‘on her’.")

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger the sabra said...

[o and kasamba-look how guilty ye made me feel-i'm the third one here!]

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

What a Perfect description.
I can tell you wrote this easily - straight from the heart -
it was so effortless, yet powerful
Bless you
and your Mom
(T-Goodness, you cleared up the issue of the Petri dish! :p )

 
At 11:25 AM, Blogger student said...

kas! can i meet her please? she sounds like a fab person....
and as usual it was fun to read ur post..duno how u do it!! but cheers!!

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger exsemgirl said...

Appreciate what you have...

She sounds so special.
Thanks for sharing it! :)

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Ezzie:
Yeah....

Prag:
thank you so much!
I will try!

Sabra:
LOL!
You are too funny!

Theonlyway;
How come you have the best way with words???
I guess it's cuz you're the best!

Student:
She's actually here now! you can stop by for her world famous potato kugel!

Exsem:
I do and she is!!!
Thank you!

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Thank you sweetie -
I suppose, things that come from the heart sound good!

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger student said...

not fair- im in manc, n no time to get there and bak before shab...but im gona b ur end of th world next sunday-save me a piece! please!

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

I'm part of the unofficial fan club. The ones she doesnt know. Hell i don't know her either. She's sooooo Hungarian! She'd get on well with my grandparents. They're the BEST cooks!

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger torontopearl said...

What a lovely tribute to your "Maaaaa." I've written about my parents on occasion, too.

We are lucky to have such loving, devoted special people as parents, aren't we?

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger student said...

kish- ur bak! havent seen u around for a while...
missed u..

 
At 2:19 PM, Blogger cruisin-mom said...

kasamba: that was a great tribute to your maaaa. You didn't make her sound perfect...merely loving and human. That's better than perfect.

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

The only way:
They always do!

Student:
I will!

Kish:
Aren't hunkies just great?

Toronto Pearl:
Thank you, yes we definitely are!!


Crusin Mom:
Don't you know it!!!!

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

So nice, sounds like my mom-always there for me, taking care of my daugher, and diffusing situation with humor.

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Your mother is amazing. I hope my kids say something as nice about me some day.

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger notahottie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

student! i was never gone, i'm still reading etc.......how long is it since i blogged.......a week, ok it was a pitiful excuse....so sweet, she missed me!!!

Hungarians are the best - in temper, temperament, stubbornness, big personalities.......the food, always back to the food, is just so great!!!

agree with bonnie.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger notahottie said...

i'm proud to say that i'm a lot like your amazing mom-my husband has just about "doubled his investment" (love that line!), i wish i could be anorexic, i ALWAYS say that i've gotten the first part of bulimia down, just gotta get the second part figured out... ummm...that's it...ok i guess i still have some work to do! well, i'm a good cook...anyway, she seems to have taught you well, and it's great that you appreciate her-she's awesome!

 
At 3:44 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

You know what the nice thing is ....in Twenty years you will be HER!!!
When she comes here i'll have to check her out......

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Social worker:
You're lucky too!

Bonnie;
Thanks, that's so nice!

Kish:
Yeah she did say it all...

Notahottie:
She is awesome, but something tells me that you are as well!

Limey:
Except for the weight thing and the hungarian accent - I hope you're right!

But I'm afraid my Dad would object to you 'checking her out'!

 
At 5:44 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Just for tea....and kugel, dad can join
I'll bring my lass (of the week)

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Kaaaassss!
Limey's starting uuuup agaaaiiinn!

 
At 8:01 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

I AM NOT!!!!!!!

married?

 
At 8:02 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

have a fab shabbos m'ladies

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

gorgeous post!!! very special, both of you.

[warm fuzzy feelings...]

shavua tov :)

 
At 11:12 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Limey:
Ohhh be-have!

Theonly:
I can see!

Limey:
Yes you are!
(But to how many?)
Gut Voch Guv!

Sarah:
Thanks sweetie!
gut voch to you too!

 
At 11:32 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Qassamba! That was great :)

Shavua tov -

Jameel

 
At 1:25 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

limey -
lol
good one!

 
At 2:06 AM, Blogger Li`l Miss said...

Kas, sounds like an awesome person! It's interesting, I find your writing style makes you sound a like the way you describe your mom! Guess she passed her genes on to you.

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger Shopaholic said...

Oooohhh! Now I want to meet both of you!! Can't wait till you're on the other end of the pond...looking fwd!

 
At 12:32 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Jameel:
Thank you!!!
I'm davening for your family's safety!

theonly:
He's so funny!


l'il miss:
Wow- that's really nice, thanks!!

Shopoholic:
Did I mention that she has a tendency to crash weddings....

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger HanginUp said...

Your mom sounds like my Bubby - except she looked like Grace Kelly! Seems like I am following in her footsteps in the weight department though - I would TOTALLY do the whole bulimia thing ... if I didn't have an intense phobia of puking!!

 
At 5:00 PM, Blogger HanginUp said...

Oh my, just read all the comments posted on this post about your Mom - she's a wedding crasher?!?! That's a RIOT! More power to her - what does she go for? To people watch? The food? LOL

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger A Frum Idealist said...

As much as we think that we have it tough sometimes, we cannot even begin to fathom what our parents and grandparents had to endure.

there is no question that the generations continue to get weaker and weaker as the gemara says.

 
At 10:00 PM, Blogger Also A Chussid said...

"I know she’s proud of me and all my achievements,
but not half as proud as I am of her."

I am sure your ma says the same... :)

 
At 11:08 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Hanginup:
LOL!!!!
I also can't relate tot he second part of bulimia- I believe in gravity!
About the wedding crashing- I was JOKING!!!! (but I'd bet she'd do it!)

A Frum idealist:
too true! They're just made of stronger stuff!

Also:
Wow!!!
you just know what to say!!!!

 
At 2:03 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Beautiful piece..
:-)
Does she know about ur blog?

note: Rabbi Berel Wein is one of the most phenominal people I know..but he's also one of the most monotonous speakers on the planet..so I'm kinda surprised that hse only fell asleep twice..
;-)

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger kollel mama said...

LOL you're mom sounds adorable.

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

david:
My mom and I are soooo close- she knows evrything!
she fell asleep twice in the FRONT ROW! She regularly falls asleep when he talks- but then she sits in the back!

Kollel Mama:
Thanks- she is!!!

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger RR said...

Aw, what a great post! Loved the "doubled his investment" bit LOL and the "it's on me"- reminds me of my grandmother, who always used to say "I'll take the sin!"

Does your Mama live nearby?

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Eshet Chayil said...

This was so lovely!!!

 
At 9:08 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

rr:
I think that generation all say that!
Mom lives in NY (with my Dad!)but she went to Israel to visit her sister (in Haifa- yup, she's on shpilkes cuz my aunt won't leave her apartment!) and came to me on the way to and from Israel.

Eshet:
Thank you!!!!

 
At 9:24 PM, Blogger Shopaholic said...

Of course she can crash! On condition that she knows how to dance! :)

wedding crashers are welcome- get your dance shoes ready!!

Thats a personal invitation to all you bloggers!

For more info email me!

;)

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger Genendy said...

If she were my mother, I wouldn't write a whole post telling everyone about her - I'd be afraid of someone stealing her! :)

And I love the 'it would take years to diagnose' bit! Too funny.

 
At 2:38 AM, Blogger C3ZA said...

Kas - you got a grat blog here & you must take after your Mom!

Shopaholic - Thanks for the invite. As a fellow blogger, I don't get out much (except to sci-fi conventions), [and once I ventured out to see what daylight is] but I'd like the opportunity to crash someones wedding and maybe meet a few other geeks/nerds/like minded people. Perhaps you could introduce me to a non-virtual chat room - it will be a first!
(Had to post this here as your email bounced back.)

 
At 3:33 AM, Blogger workingema said...

kudos to your mom, although no one beats mine...taking care of my kids whenever I need her...
And speaking of showing your thanks.. did you ever get her anything and what was it...
I need IDEAS!!

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger HanginUp said...

Don't joke about wedding crashers!! After recently watching my wedding video I noticed an unfamiliar face at one of my husband's friends tables - I asked my hubby who she was and he answered "oh, an old girl friend of mine who loves to crash weddings." Isn't that lovely?

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Shopaholic:
I'm shining my tap shoes now!!!

Genendy:
Awww that was soooo nice! Thanks!

C3za:
Thanks for the compliment and thanks for visiting!!!!

Workingema:
We are lucky aren't we!!!
The latest gift I bought her was a Tods handbag because its big, it zips and it has side pockets so she can put her cell phone in.

Hanginup:
LOL! I would've gone nuts!

 
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