THE GREEN GREEN GRASS
Another evil poem by Kasamba.
Self-righteous comments to evil poems will always be welcomed-
and promptly discarded.
And so I begin. (clear throat)
They say the grass is always greener on the other side
In this case I’d have to agree with all that implied
You see, my neighbor had an offspring -the perfect child
Strangely calm, preternaturally serene and never wild.
I watched my neighbor’s child with undisguised awe
And witnessed the most impeccable manners I ever saw
This was a creature I had never encountered before
More disturbing in real life than in legend and folklore.
His mother took all the credit she was insufferably haughty
She was so condescending because my boys were so naughty.
Something was wrong here, yes indeed very wrong
His behavior way too good, his credentials way too long
And so two of my boys paid this child a visit one afternoon,
After all, someone needed to burst his perfect round balloon
They said, “We know the way you act is the way you think is right,
But we’re afraid there may have been just one small oversight
Now we’d just like to say this nicely without making a fuss,
Your perfect behavior is making it harder on the rest of us!”
As his flawlessly clean stunned little jaw hit the floor
My boys jumped in for the kill and went and said more.
“But it’s not just us, think of what your poor parents must miss,
I don’t think they’ve ever been inside the headmaster’s office!
Think of their humiliation, their suffering, their ultimate shame,
When they can’t share war stories when other parents complain!
Hence, we took it upon ourselves to create a new life for you,
So, we’ve compiled a list of things that you should really do!
Now pay attention closely, there’s absolutely no time to waste,
There’s so much for you to learn so we’ll try to make haste.
We know you love karate and practice will make you the best
So practice on your sisters, you mustn’t keep talent suppressed!
And then, why go on time to school; try your best to be late,
But on the off chance that you’re early you must make sure to wait!
Life is not worth living unless you make your parents shout,
So if they tell you to tuck in your shirt, by all means leave it out!
Why clean up your things, if your mother will just get bored
Let her clean up after you, that’s what mothers are for!
It’s important to consistently give all your teachers a fright,
You must answer back, remember that you are always right!
Learn these lessons well and try to cause trouble and strife,
We know that you’ll want to thank us much later in life!
And so that perfect young child reacted as they knew he would
And shook each of their hands and said that he understood.
Everything’s changed since this child took his lesson to heart,
He proved to be the best student ever as he did his part.
As his hidden nature became unleashed like never before,
He whipped his world up into a frenzy; like a crazed matador.
Now his poor mother appears drained, haggard and weary
And she gives me looks that are more than a little leery.
She wants to know what happened to make him change
From one day to the next, isn’t it just a wee bit strange?
Now my boys have calmed down and one is going away
But she’s stuck with a kid that’s making her sheitel turn grey
But at least my neighbor’s child is now true to his inner self
With a mischievous gleam in his eye and dead frogs on his shelf
And one day when his mothers now daily shouting had begun
He whispered, “Aren’t I doing just great?” to my younger son
Who gave him a thumbs up and then thumbs up to me as well
As IF I could, as IF I would, scheme such a thing, but I’ll never tell…
And every now and then when I feel all guilty and very wrong,
I just think, “Hey- but she had it good for so darn long!”
Because ever since I sent my Nachas to speak to boy next door,
The grass ain’t quite so green on the other side any more.
posted by kasamba @ 7/11/2006
88 Comments:
Oh yay I am first! I absolutely adore the evil in you. That was hesterical and brilliant. Soooo good(I mean so evil) ooooh I love that side of you.
I think you did the poor kid a favor, you saved him years worth of therapy! Children should be able to be children, kudos to you, Kasamba! your evil side is really angelic!
That was hilarious. I think you did the right thing because if children don't get to be children, they become resentful later when they're adults.
now THATS a post i appreciate.
(offense intended for supersue sitch)
kasamba, kol hakavod. i hereby absolve you from all dignity challenges.
adore your thinking :)
LOL
You should definitely be writing books!
So so clever and entertaining
Bumper sticker for your car:
"My kid beat up your honor roll student"
I would never advocate such violence, of course. (whistling)
HILARIOUS!!! As a mother of boys I can so relate. I think your inner devil rocks!
HEHEHE!!! I love doing that kind of stuff! (nervously looks around, checking to see who heard) Err... I mean, that's pretty funny. :)
Ok, this post makes me wonder - why haven't I visited this blog before? You've won a new reader...as a mother of boys I enjoyed every evil minute of it...
Bravo, Poet Extraordinaire!!!
(I think the Sheitl turning grey line is my favourite.)
Socialworker:
LOL! You mean the dark side??
Frumgirl:
My evil side angelic?
Cool!
(I hope they say that up there!)
Ivnsm27:
Thanks!
Yeah, just call me the liberator of little boys spirits!
Sabra;
YAY! I don't have to have dignity!And did you notice how I kept the color to a minimum????
David:
Coming from you thats a compliment I'm putting on my fridge!
Chana:
I love it!!!
Its right up my alley!
A dark alley...
Crusin mom:
Thanks, perfect boys are soooo abnormal!
Ezzie;
Don't worry, nobody heard!
Westbankmama:
Welcome to my demented world!!!
TafkaPP:
Why ta ever so much my fine feathered friend!
ah, now your neighbour's child will turn out properly well adjusted ;)
How diabolical!
How much of it is true?
kasamba, so funny! you out do yourself with each post! The perfect child, yes i know the feeling. but to perfect gets to feel a bit strange dont you think? Its better to have a child that has zest and personality. thanks for the entertaining post!
Tut tut tut...
(tryin very hard to keep a str8 face)
:-/
:-S
:-)
=D
The grass IS greener on their side, since my kids probably spilled a gallon of bright green paint on their grass.
Good thing none of the paint got on your sheitel either...they aren't bad kids...but stuff like that just...happens...alot...
Oh right yeah of course hah.
Sarah:
That's right- I provided a chessed..
Prag:
It is isn't it!
(as if my boys would give two seconds of their time to a kid like that! Its all evil wishful thinking!)
Chaverah:
Yes kids with characters are so much more interesting!
Exsem:
I know, I know...
;)
Nextcontender:
Ta!
Jameel:
And they blamed MY kids for that!
Student:
Glad you enjoyed!
Yeah, they're much more fun unleashed!
Jemima:
Well, if there will be more of our kind of kids than maybe, just maybe- our kids will be the norm!
Her Next door;
Uh, (*blush)sorry you had to find out this way...
Socialworker:
;)
Limey!!!!
That was too funny!!
But somehow - it fit the bill - (you with your two wives and kids........!
LOL)
just what i would have thought!
d'you think you're still 'straightenoutable'? -
we'll get Kas's kids to come over for a bit....
lol
hmmm - i enjoyed that! lol
limey
ha ha - i guess he'll have to...
btw - the 'two wives' comment was in reference to the conversation on your blog - where you said 'i told my kid'.. and then you had everyone in an uproar..
well, at least you had kas in an uproar....
about you being married - and if you were - why propose to the TNC - lol
and then you said - whats wrong with having 2 wives!! lol
btw - i am sooo gullable - i actually thought you were married - then i emailed kas and she said - 'don't be silly - he's just joking!! ' -
isn't the blog world fun!!!!!!!!!
Limey:
And I bet the headmaster thought you were his only student!
The onlyway:
Watching you and Limey is like wimbeldon without the rain.
Limey, your serve...
one sec limey - before your serve...
the point of my bringing it up now is -
to prove a point
which is
that i agree with you
and that you are
SOOO CHEEKY!!!
lol
I think I'm your child...
limey -
here's the deal -
in our estimation, you are
adorable
a yeshiva bachur
19 years old (maybe a little more?)
very cheeky
very funny
would be interesting to meet
and definitely
NOT MARRIED!!!
but when you WILL marry
she will be so outrageously stunning and amazing in every way
that there is NO WAY
you will want to marry more than one!!!!
LOL
Kasamba my darling
thanks for being the commentator
couldnt choose a better one if I tried..!!
love ya!
OK that was evil. Loved it-- now stay away from my Abby. My other two girls have enough spunk to shatter my nerves a million times over. Just let me keep the sweet one sweet-- though I suspect as it in most cases, the sweet ones are usually the worst (they are just better at covering their tracks).
Kas,
hust du gehert???
vat are ve going to do about limey???
limey - vee had all dese vonderful girruls all linet up for you wit de best shadchantes!!
ha ha - wouldnt you like to know what else we were saying!!!?
ask your wife to call - maybe we'll tell her!
Limey:
Do you honestly think that I would want Asparagus in a polygamist realtionship????
We are not mormons!
ARE YOU MARRIED OR NOT??????
Bonnie:
I promise to keep my kids away from your Abby!!!!
Kollel mama:
You never know...
you asked about asparagus again -
the verdict is out
you ain't married, buddy boy
(you can tell that to your wife!lol)
ok now this (this=trialogue between limey, the only way i know & kasamba) is just plain strange. and funny.
sabra - yeah - i think you're right - it's weird!
:)
but fun!!
ok, this is the first time I read your blog. You have fifty comments.
Im going to listen to beautiful again.
i had some comments after reading your post but i barely remember what you wrote about now, after reading all these comments..
you are all really....
funny :)
hmm.. kasamaba did you ever watch malcolm in the middle?
limeh'le
dunt vorry - de shadchantes vill now leef you alone for a vile...
lol
take good care of yourself m'lad!
Real funny and cute…
I guess now you can be meshadech with this neighbor of yours. This young boy will make a good son-in-law…
OMG, woman, you are hillarious! Reminds me of how my parents felt about a certain neighboring couple of ours. When I was small, I used to act up in small ways, but I was overall a good child. Still, these neighbors would criticize my sister and me, saying that any child of theirs would SURELY never misbehave in any way. Well, sure enough, when they finally had a kid, they got a taste of what it was like to be out of control. Their blessed offspring was a holy terror for the first several years of her existence on this earth, and my parents smirked behind their hands as she ran the poor folks ragged.
WOW. THAT was great!!!
:-)
I think we all know people like that who could use that treatment!
btw, my neighbor's grass was also always greener, and my wife also resolved to do something about it... we got a new gardner and new sprinklers this summer.
Your method was much less costly. lol
Limey:
#1; what is wrong with wanting to be a Bubby????
#2; We do not discuss Arsenal on THIS blog.
#3;
Artichoke is coming to the US in August Beazras Hashem.
#4:
It'll be a long time before I get rid of the taste of Barthelona!
Sabra:
Weird + funny = good!
Cellar Door:
And you ARE beautiful no matter WHAT they say...
Anym00kie;
Any comment is welcome!
Never saw malcom in the middle!
Student;
will you referee these comments???
Also:
You're right, now at least we can relate to him!
Scraps:
Lol!!!!
That is the best revenge story EVER!!!!
A frum Idealist;
Yup, that's the idea! If your neighbours grass is greener just kill it until it looks like yours!
ha ha!
google 'mojo in the morning' (if you haven't been introduced to it already!) - on 'detroit's channel 955' - you get about a hundred of em - under 'war of the roses'
lol
addictive.....
roses are red
violets are blue
limey ain't married
to one or two!
Notahottie;
And that's why I love ya!
heeheehee.
you wicked wicked lady.
SJ:
It's about time you noticed!
adorable! gotta love it.
that's right!!!
how do you know?
that's right!!
lol
kasambaaaaaa, I am soooo confused by all these comments!
Y' all are CRAZY!!!! (in only the best possible sense, of course.)
(But you may want to lay off the gin...)
And this post was sheer, poetic brilliance! I insist you send it to a publisher and make some adorable kids' book with runny-nosed illustrations!!
LOL! That was hilarious.
76 comments! WOW...that is so cool!
no I'm not 13, I just sound it)
Genendy:
Thanks Luv!
Limey:
HOW do YOU know WPLJ????
Theonlyway:
Well, whadda ya think??
Okee;
I don't know what happened here!
As long as everyones having a good ole time!
I love the idea of 'runny nosed illustrations'!!!
Ezer:
Thank you sooooo much!!!
crusinmom:
WAY COOL!
(I'm not 13 either- I just never matured)
Student;
Cuz I'm counting on you!!!
i dont know anymore!!
what do YOU think?
help!!!
lol
(we need to get our heads together to solve.......................
OPERATION LIMEY)
Or we could just leave the poor guy (kid?)
alone
lol
The only way:
Oh bless his cotton socks!
Limey:
You just know what to say, you charmer!
Pretty Green Eyes:
Thanks, beats me!
Limey:
Up, we finish quicker!
yeah, bless em
lol
i'll take the roses, though
:)
i'm soooo hungry, it's hard to think of many more comments!
lol
we'll crack the comments by tonight....
BUT!
Will we solve..........
Operation Limey.......???
Stay tuned..
Limey:
In my time, I take credit for having corrupted quite a few gardens!!!
Plus- if you persist with nylon socks- you will have very smelly feet!
TheonlywayIknow:
You know oses are red
And violets may be blue
But it's very hard to tell
If what Limey says is true.
You guys are cracking me up. By now you have eaten already while us Americans are suffering.
If violets are blue
and what limey says is true
he needs to straighten out his life
and go buy flowers for his wife!
SWFM
visit my blog, my friend - and you shall see, the fast is NOT YET over!!!
btw - what kind of roses for those that are bright, yet confused??
well,
i must say
i'm completely fardoozled!
But, Limey -
Detective TOWIK has DULY noted something
(besides for proposing to aspargus)
You asked Artichoke to meet you in Brooklyn - and no you say your 'wife' agrees with the Lakewood ban!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMEBODY'S not being truthful here!!!
I think we might end up having to go with our gut instincts here!
and you said 'HERE in lakewood' - and not just that she agrees with the ban in a far away city from brookly called lakewood1!!
all right, limey
you're starting to sound serious...
hmmm
when a guy sounds serious -
i suppose he wants to be taken seriously.......
so
1-lakewood it is
2- there is no second wife (although that's one we never doubted - lol)
1-first wife you admitted to..
so we'll keep waiting for her guest blog for when she says hi!
and unless Kas has another opinion to override it all... (i await hearing her views....)
Asparagus has simply got to meet some other veg!
And Kas thought it was all so bashert! lol
fantastic poem... So, is that how kids go from being good to completely horrendously awful from one day to the next?... and me thinking it was puberty...!!
a fruit! you're right! sorry - lol
can't wait til breakfast -
my freezing pepsi max awaits!!
will let you know how good it was!
Limey:
You are an anomaly!
The onlyway:
Food is gooood, no?
Lisa:
Thanks!!!
Whenever that happens, just look for my kids!
hello Kas
I MISSED you all day!!!!!!!!!!
and the food was great!
okay limeh'le
as per our 'deal'-
we wrap up tonight..
SO..
if I would have to make a bet - and be forced to choose one answer over another -
as to the question -
'Is limey married or not?'
My answer.....
(drumrolll - dum da dum.......)
would definitely be.....a........
YES!
and the reason being..
You cannot possibly have this much time and access to internet in Yeshiva!!!!!!!
btw - never knew chelsea was cinammon -
american sticky cinammon buns are the better deal in my humble, sticky opinion!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
(squirming with jealousy)
u brits (and co) are havin too much fun. wish i knew what and who was goin on.
(o btw limey-i have three ladies on the phone here..each claiming to be ur ONLY wife..lemme know what to tell them, aight?)
Limey:
This is how-
Are you;
married or unmarried?
Spring chicken or cooked goose?
polygamist or monagamist?
Hope you had some good food last night!
You're not, you can't be....
a rosh yeshiva??????
Sabra:
LOL!
Don't be too jealous, I'm as british as Madonna!
cold comfort
i hope you don't mind but i've printed this article and showed it to a few pals, they could'nt stop lauging! This is amazing work!!!
Sabra:
;)
Student:
I'll miss you!
Rechalamo:
WOW, now THAT'S a compliment!!!
Why thanks!!!
*blush!!!!
Limey:
The whole 'lakewood thing' threw me!
Limey I know you have the heart of young lad..... sitting in a jar on your desk.
Have a FABULOUS Shabbos!
Regards to the wife/ves!
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