THIS CUP RUNNETH OVER
My dear Kasambuddies, as much as I try to ignore it, I just can’t. Because it’s come upon us once again, as it will every four years until Moshiach comes and releases the preternatural hold football has on every male homo sapient in the supposedly civilised British Isles.Yes it’s the World Cup.
Well for me, being the proverbial American who grew up on apple pie and baseball; this country’s obsession with football (that’s soccer to you over the pond), is downright weird.
You have people who grow up in concrete monstrosities called ‘council estates’ who can’t even afford shampoo (never mind deodorant) yet make sure to put every hard earned farthing into season tickets to see their favourite team. Yes they say, but the footballers themselves started out under just as ignominious beginnings as their supporters.
Hello? Earth calling England? IS THERE ANYONE THERE?
Yes, most of the footballers started out as paupers, but once they became princes of the media, earning more than a third world country’s national deficit- do they give back to the community?
NO, of course not. They say to their cigarette chomping, hairnet encased mothers, “Cheerio, Mum!” and off they go to spend their gazillions of pounds on their new anorexic girlfriends who compete with each other for most inflatable body parts.
So why does the average Brit live, eat and breathe football? It’s self evident why they call themselves supporters, after all football fans do support their team in the same way a father might support his son or son-in-law in Kollel. But it’s supposed to be a GAME, not life itself! Here you have grown men running up and down a psychedelically green field that looks like it was stolen from the set of a Teletubbies episode in shorts that would make Pinocchio proud, plus polyester shirts designed to maximise manly shvitz. Then after the game is over; the average losing team supporters get to go home, get drunk and beat their wives; while the winning team supporters get to go to the pub, get drunk, beat their wives and then tease any losing team supporters until the next game. It’s such an honourable pastime.
Of course I am excluding Hubby and Artichoke from that description, because for them the game is more than that. For them the game is a spiritual experience that transcends time and especially meaning. Boruch Hashem Mr Kasamba can afford his season ticket to Arsenal, but I know what it cost so I’ll just say that his Zen costs a lot of yen.
So, back to the World Cup. To me this cup is half empty. England has been whipped up into this World Cup frenzy. Apparently it is imperative to watch bizarre countries that you never knew existed play each other. I myself had never heard of Toga for instance. Apparently, this Thursday Hashem willing, between the hours of 4:30 until 7:00pm every Englishman worth his lager will be sat in front of a telly watching HIS team, the almighty England team, lose their gotchkes as they always do.
But for football widows like me, it is surreal to go shopping in a man-free environment. Going to the Brent Cross mall feels like those old movies where Amazonian women have taken over the earth, leaving one man alive locked in a shed for procreation purposes.
It would be an amazing opportunity for someone to rob a bank, because the only security guards available would be either females or just plain feminine.
So, do I wish England luck? Like heck I do.
Football is a cruel ‘other woman’ to contend with and if she loses, I just might get my Hubby back.
posted by kasamba @ 6/12/2006
41 Comments:
Australians suffer the same malady. Normally reserved for such things as Australian Rules Football (practically religion to many... and possibly the cricket...oh heck, any sport really) it is World Cup fever here. Except due to the time difference there are going to be very many tired blokes because of the late viewing times (and they DO stay up most of the night just to catch a match live.)
It's easier to just join in the atmosphere so all I have to say now is
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GO THE SOCCEROOS!!!
i got a bit excited and changed into aussie team colours... hence my new profiel pic.
I sooooo feel your pain - Begining in late February college basketball heats up, then segues into baseball until October. Then American football begins (although, in fairness to Mr. EK, he is not really that into American football). I am a baseball fan, but he is INSANE :-)
You just dont understand what you are missing... :P
hey! there are men out there who don't like televised sports and aren't fags (american defintion).
i, for one, never understood how you spend over 1/7 of your life (assuming every sunday) watching people putting their life on the line to win a game they'll have to win again next week.
and then people are making sheets and statistic pages and memorizing averages....
and even if their team is bound to lose;
the people are quicker to damn their goverment before questioning their team.
Watch the cup with your husband! It will be over though before you know it.
in which shop is the one lucky guy locked up in, at brent cross?
LOL
I read that there are several thousand especially hooligany hooligans in the UK who aren't allowed out of the country during the World Cup, and that whenever England is playing they have to check in at a police station to make sure they're not causing mayhem or managed to sneak out of the country.
It's all too ridiculous!
Enjoy your man-free shopping :-)
Jemima:
Now that's initiative!
Sarah:
Et tu Sarah?
I hope the whole "well, if you can't beat 'em- join 'em" thing isn't catchy!
shopaholic:
Unfortunately, I don't think it'd make a difference!
EzerKnegdo:
It's so good to relate to someone!
Power to the long suffering women!
exsem:
Obviously not!
Sj:
And THAT is why you are my type of guy!!!!
Socialworker;
Well, I could try watching it with him or I could try scouring my eyeballs with brillo pads. Hmmm..
The only way:
He's in a SHED... in the back of my garden. shhhh...
Limey:
Speechless... you? LOL!
Glad you won't beat the wife, but if she were Posh you just might...
RR:
I know! It's just ridiculous, isn't it?
What kind of stupid people are we raising here?
Its incredible how America has managed to keep its head above the madness that envelops the world..for so long.
btw, anyone intrested in having a bank robbing spree in jolly england just email me.
David:
I agree!
American are so much more.... sophisticated.
Limey:
Ha! It's true!
Sj:
I'll provide the Bill Clinton masks!
Thenext:
Sorry Luvvie, but I SO cannot relate!!
Kasamba!
My wife would agree with your posting 100% -- if only you would replace the word "football" -- with "blogging"
(but otherwise, I totally concur.)
What a waste of time and money! This alone could cure world hunger...but nooooooo...these IDIOTS have to waste their time on football!
OK...Im not gaining any fans while ranting or agreeing with you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll critique something less controversial.
Like why I hate eggplant.
if you can't beat 'em- join 'em - despite my attire in the profile pic, it's NOT catchy. I don't care that much! But Australia won... so I have to cheer a liiiittle bit! ;)
Your husband's love of football sounds like my husband's love of duck hunting. All year he talks about it, studies weather patterns and practices setting up his plastic duck farm (decoys).
Yes, I am second feather to a duck and some men dressed up as weeds who lay with my husband in a tiny sunken treasure chest they like to call "the blind." Every fall-- I get to wondering what exactly is he doing at 4:30 a.m. in that cozy "nest?" Is it the call of the birds or something deeper?
Great post.
It's a shame that Heimische Yiden too are swept by this frenzy.
You'd think we're 'above' that
If can't fight it perhaps you should try to do something productive instead.
Call all women who are bored due to their husband's 'affair" and try making some Shidduchim in your community.
Jameel:
(Blush) Hubby feels the same way about my blogging!
Yeah, lets discuss eggplant!
Limey and Next Contender:
Tuches Offen Tisch-
*You both love football
*You both are rooting for England
SOUNDS LIKE A SHIDDUCH TO ME!!!!
I'll make Sheva Brochos.
Sarah;
well, if you're happy, I'm happy!
Bonnie;
Sigh.
Men.
Can't live with 'em.
Can't shoot 'em.
Prag:
Good idea:
I've already made one this week!
YAY!
Notahottie:
That was the sweetest comment- thanks!
(I'm prepared to go 60/40- not bad, eh?)
Oi! Americans!
What are you getting all self-righteous for? You have a WORLD SERIES where the world isn't actually involved?
And you call Football Fans self-obsessed?!
Purply Parrotess:
Yes dear, you do have a point.
tafka pp: As the Leader of the Free world, the USA is entitled to call the baseball championship, the World Series.
When the UN starts paying their own bill, the US might think about toning it down a bit...
And Kasamba: Why don't you have an email address posted on your blog?!
Limey:
OOOOHHHH! I can't wait to hear what she says!!!
(The tickets are waiting for you!)
Jameel;
Whoo! That's a good answer!
I don't have an email on my blog for the same reason I don't have a blogroll; I DON'T KNOW HOW.
Impressive huh? Aslo my email address is my name in real life and although Asparagus did set up a kasamba hotmail account, I can only retrieve Kasamba emails when she's home! so, the email is: the_way_kasamba_sees_it@hotmail.co.uk- so I'll check it when she comes back from school!
Gorgeous Green Eyes;
Thanks for stopping by in between games!
I daresay you're right!
DM:
Thanks but no thanks.
Funny post. After growing up in a family with men who were into sports, I thank my lucky stars that my husband knows less about it than I do. It just seems so utterly and ridiculously pointless! American Idol, on the other hand....now that's a worthy obsession.
Limey:
You are such a cutie and a clever boy!
Next Contender- are you listening?
Genendy;
Hi there!
Lol! American Idol seems alot less Avodah Zara than these sports do!
Less of an avodah zorah?...um...yeah, you're probably right. (This would probably NOT be a good time for me to confess.)
Genendy:
LOL!
Notahottie:
I know. I am just soooo generous.
Bluenclave:
Welcome and thanks for the info- I had never heard of it before!
But England has David Beckham, no? He is a hottie!
Kasamba-- I don't want to shoot him. I just want to take away his toys.
lol... i also noticed that you are going for a blog shidduch here ;) i suppose stranger things have happened!
Incredible fervor, what spirit, go England, GO! So much for the game.
All we hear in Texas is about the prostitutes that will be working the arena during the Cup. Bush thinks there are too many. How does he know?
Togo? Germany had a colony?
Now I have to go find out what a 'blogroll' is?
Thanks for the entertainment, very enlightening. LOL. I really enjoyed the whole Excitement, Here's to England, Yea!!!
I absolutely love your posts! As a "friend-of-many-Eurpeans", I am also somewhat baffled over the World Cup. I'd rather play soccer myself- than watch someone else do it!
Kasamba-You did a Shidduch and you don't gloat about it on this blog?
What a zechus!
Frumgirl:
Quite, but have you heard his voice?
The next contender:
Oh, wellll...
I must say I am most disappointed.
Sigh. Back to the drawingboard!
Bonnie:
As the say in england;
'Bless their cotton socks' (Just for you!)
Sarah:
You never know!
Jim:
LOL!
I'd really like to know HOW Bush knows this!!!!
Frumbut thinking:
Thanks!
I guess they just all live vicariously!
Prag:
Thanks, but I was only the shaliach!
Pretty greeneyes;
Oh come on!
Theres got to be bigger issues!
You decide which is more enjoyable. Hmm 2 great choices!
Great post Kasamba!
Very well written!
You even roused some the adrenaline I have pent up waiting for this upcoming NFL Football season.
J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!!!
Enjoy the mall!
-TUYG
Socialworker:
Lol!
Unorthoyeshivaguy:
So happy to see you here!
I'm glad my post inspired you!
(and I am going to the mall!)
funny post! yes the obssesion goes beyond england. I dont understand how men are so into sports. But hey its better then being into anything else( if you get my drift)! And yes those tickets are beyond expensive and i can not understand why anyone would throw all their money into that but then again I throw all my money into shoes. GO FIGURE!
Limey and Next contender:
Communication is the key to any relationship!
Chaverah:
Thanks!
Shoes before sports is why you're my kind of gal!
Bluenclave;
What do you think now?
Limey;
Ah, you did just fine!
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