Monday, June 12


My dear Kasambuddies, as much as I try to ignore it, I just can’t. Because it’s come upon us once again, as it will every four years until Moshiach comes and releases the preternatural hold football has on every male homo sapient in the supposedly civilised British Isles.

Yes it’s the World Cup.

Well for me, being the proverbial American who grew up on apple pie and baseball; this country’s obsession with football (that’s soccer to you over the pond), is downright weird.

You have people who grow up in concrete monstrosities called ‘council estates’ who can’t even afford shampoo (never mind deodorant) yet make sure to put every hard earned farthing into season tickets to see their favourite team. Yes they say, but the footballers themselves started out under just as ignominious beginnings as their supporters.
Hello? Earth calling England? IS THERE ANYONE THERE?

Yes, most of the footballers started out as paupers, but once they became princes of the media, earning more than a third world country’s national deficit- do they give back to the community?
NO, of course not. They say to their cigarette chomping, hairnet encased mothers, “Cheerio, Mum!” and off they go to spend their gazillions of pounds on their new anorexic girlfriends who compete with each other for most inflatable body parts.

So why does the average Brit live, eat and breathe football? It’s self evident why they call themselves supporters, after all football fans do support their team in the same way a father might support his son or son-in-law in Kollel. But it’s supposed to be a GAME, not life itself! Here you have grown men running up and down a psychedelically green field that looks like it was stolen from the set of a Teletubbies episode in shorts that would make Pinocchio proud, plus polyester shirts designed to maximise manly shvitz. Then after the game is over; the average losing team supporters get to go home, get drunk and beat their wives; while the winning team supporters get to go to the pub, get drunk, beat their wives and then tease any losing team supporters until the next game. It’s such an honourable pastime.

Of course I am excluding Hubby and Artichoke from that description, because for them the game is more than that. For them the game is a spiritual experience that transcends time and especially meaning. Boruch Hashem Mr Kasamba can afford his season ticket to Arsenal, but I know what it cost so I’ll just say that his Zen costs a lot of yen.

So, back to the World Cup. To me this cup is half empty. England has been whipped up into this World Cup frenzy. Apparently it is imperative to watch bizarre countries that you never knew existed play each other. I myself had never heard of Toga for instance. Apparently, this Thursday Hashem willing, between the hours of 4:30 until 7:00pm every Englishman worth his lager will be sat in front of a telly watching HIS team, the almighty England team, lose their gotchkes as they always do.

But for football widows like me, it is surreal to go shopping in a man-free environment. Going to the Brent Cross mall feels like those old movies where Amazonian women have taken over the earth, leaving one man alive locked in a shed for procreation purposes.
It would be an amazing opportunity for someone to rob a bank, because the only security guards available would be either females or just plain feminine.

So, do I wish England luck? Like heck I do.
Football is a cruel ‘other woman’ to contend with and if she loses, I just might get my Hubby back.


At 9:51 AM, Blogger jemima3 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 9:56 AM, Blogger jemima3 said...

Yup, I completely identify with this post although it has its uses. I'm using the world cup to bribe my son to actually open a book before his exams. For every hour study he (supposedly) does, he gets to watch a bit of football.Why all the fuss? they haven't a hope.

At 11:24 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

Australians suffer the same malady. Normally reserved for such things as Australian Rules Football (practically religion to many... and possibly the cricket...oh heck, any sport really) it is World Cup fever here. Except due to the time difference there are going to be very many tired blokes because of the late viewing times (and they DO stay up most of the night just to catch a match live.)

It's easier to just join in the atmosphere so all I have to say now is

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Shopaholic said...

Come to NY in Oct, when the Yankees are playing in the world series...maybe if we get more European supporters they'd actully WIN!!

At 1:47 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

i got a bit excited and changed into aussie team colours... hence my new profiel pic.

At 2:09 PM, Blogger Ezer K'negdo said...

I sooooo feel your pain - Begining in late February college basketball heats up, then segues into baseball until October. Then American football begins (although, in fairness to Mr. EK, he is not really that into American football). I am a baseball fan, but he is INSANE :-)

At 2:18 PM, Blogger exsemgirl said...

You just dont understand what you are missing... :P

At 2:57 PM, Blogger s.J. said...

hey! there are men out there who don't like televised sports and aren't fags (american defintion).

i, for one, never understood how you spend over 1/7 of your life (assuming every sunday) watching people putting their life on the line to win a game they'll have to win again next week.

and then people are making sheets and statistic pages and memorizing averages....

and even if their team is bound to lose;
the people are quicker to damn their goverment before questioning their team.

At 3:32 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Watch the cup with your husband! It will be over though before you know it.

At 3:44 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

in which shop is the one lucky guy locked up in, at brent cross?

At 3:47 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Beat my wife?? get drunk maybe ;}

SHE WILL NOT LOSE!!! (kasamba that is...)
PS. how dare you talk about "posh" like that!!

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

I'm just gonna have to to a post on the virtues of football, the cup, the cross of st george

At 5:47 PM, Blogger RR said...

I read that there are several thousand especially hooligany hooligans in the UK who aren't allowed out of the country during the World Cup, and that whenever England is playing they have to check in at a police station to make sure they're not causing mayhem or managed to sneak out of the country.

It's all too ridiculous!

Enjoy your man-free shopping :-)

At 5:47 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Now that's initiative!

Et tu Sarah?
I hope the whole "well, if you can't beat 'em- join 'em" thing isn't catchy!

Unfortunately, I don't think it'd make a difference!

It's so good to relate to someone!
Power to the long suffering women!

Obviously not!

And THAT is why you are my type of guy!!!!

Well, I could try watching it with him or I could try scouring my eyeballs with brillo pads. Hmmm..

The only way:
He's in a SHED... in the back of my garden. shhhh...

Speechless... you? LOL!
Glad you won't beat the wife, but if she were Posh you just might...

At 5:51 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

I know! It's just ridiculous, isn't it?
What kind of stupid people are we raising here?

At 6:24 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Its incredible how America has managed to keep its head above the madness that envelops the world..for so long.

At 7:33 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

you know whats more amazing is America just lost their opening match (badly) and nobody gives a crap

At 7:44 PM, Blogger s.J. said...

btw, anyone intrested in having a bank robbing spree in jolly england just email me.

At 8:03 PM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

I'm English, I'm female and I LOVE FOOTBALL!

At 8:13 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

I agree!
American are so much more.... sophisticated.

Ha! It's true!

I'll provide the Bill Clinton masks!

Sorry Luvvie, but I SO cannot relate!!

At 8:45 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...


My wife would agree with your posting 100% -- if only you would replace the word "football" -- with "blogging"

(but otherwise, I totally concur.)

What a waste of time and money! This alone could cure world hunger...but nooooooo...these IDIOTS have to waste their time on football!

OK...Im not gaining any fans while ranting or agreeing with you.

Maybe tomorrow I'll critique something less controversial.

Like why I hate eggplant.

At 9:51 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

the next contender- WILL YOU MARRY ME??

At 10:27 PM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

limey 2001 - well let's see, what team do you support?

At 11:14 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

you're not gonna like i've indicated to Kas, NOT ARSENAL :{

Tottenham, but not overly mad about them though...

At 11:42 PM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

Well that's not going to work now is it?

At 11:50 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

if you can't beat 'em- join 'em - despite my attire in the profile pic, it's NOT catchy. I don't care that much! But Australia won... so I have to cheer a liiiittle bit! ;)

At 5:43 AM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Your husband's love of football sounds like my husband's love of duck hunting. All year he talks about it, studies weather patterns and practices setting up his plastic duck farm (decoys).
Yes, I am second feather to a duck and some men dressed up as weeds who lay with my husband in a tiny sunken treasure chest they like to call "the blind." Every fall-- I get to wondering what exactly is he doing at 4:30 a.m. in that cozy "nest?" Is it the call of the birds or something deeper?

At 9:47 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Great post.
It's a shame that Heimische Yiden too are swept by this frenzy.
You'd think we're 'above' that
If can't fight it perhaps you should try to do something productive instead.
Call all women who are bored due to their husband's 'affair" and try making some Shidduchim in your community.

At 10:06 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

(Blush) Hubby feels the same way about my blogging!
Yeah, lets discuss eggplant!

Limey and Next Contender:
Tuches Offen Tisch-
*You both love football
*You both are rooting for England

I'll make Sheva Brochos.

well, if you're happy, I'm happy!

Can't live with 'em.
Can't shoot 'em.

Good idea:
I've already made one this week!

At 12:30 PM, Blogger notahottie said...

awesome post, you're so funny! i bet if i would randomly ask people in the streets of new york today to name even one team playing in the world cup, a great percentage wouldn't have an answer, i know i don't! anyway, we have enough craziness with the super bowl, world series, american idol...oh wait that's not a sport...anyway, thanks for a good laugh and enjoy your shopping. if you end up robbing a bank, share the loot with us!

At 12:37 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

That was the sweetest comment- thanks!
(I'm prepared to go 60/40- not bad, eh?)

At 1:29 PM, Blogger tafka PP said...

Oi! Americans!

What are you getting all self-righteous for? You have a WORLD SERIES where the world isn't actually involved?

And you call Football Fans self-obsessed?!

At 3:16 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Purply Parrotess:
Yes dear, you do have a point.

At 3:28 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

TNC- if you make it worth my while i can become an arsenal supporter
Then we can schnorr tickets from Kas's hubby

At 3:33 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

tafka pp: As the Leader of the Free world, the USA is entitled to call the baseball championship, the World Series.

When the UN starts paying their own bill, the US might think about toning it down a bit...

And Kasamba: Why don't you have an email address posted on your blog?!

At 3:35 PM, Blogger Pretty Green Eyes said...

lol! Hey, you better get used to all the frenzy and this world cup fever cuz i'ts gonna get even better when we get to the finals ..and please god win it!

At 3:38 PM, Blogger Datingmaster, Jerusalem said...

come over and share your thoughts

At 4:01 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

OOOOHHHH! I can't wait to hear what she says!!!
(The tickets are waiting for you!)

Whoo! That's a good answer!
I don't have an email on my blog for the same reason I don't have a blogroll; I DON'T KNOW HOW.
Impressive huh? Aslo my email address is my name in real life and although Asparagus did set up a kasamba hotmail account, I can only retrieve Kasamba emails when she's home! so, the email is: so I'll check it when she comes back from school!

At 4:02 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Gorgeous Green Eyes;
Thanks for stopping by in between games!
I daresay you're right!

Thanks but no thanks.

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

when you're signed in, click on "view my complete profile" (right middle)
then click on "edit your profile" (left side)
Then just click show my email address
(if the email address showing is your real name one you can just change it first then click.....
As for adding a blogroll, thats much more complicated and requires a bit of computer knowledge..... besides yours would be rather long;}

At 7:57 PM, Blogger Genendy said...

Funny post. After growing up in a family with men who were into sports, I thank my lucky stars that my husband knows less about it than I do. It just seems so utterly and ridiculously pointless! American Idol, on the other that's a worthy obsession.

At 8:18 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

You are such a cutie and a clever boy!
Next Contender- are you listening?

Hi there!
Lol! American Idol seems alot less Avodah Zara than these sports do!

At 8:23 PM, Blogger Genendy said...

Less of an avodah zorah?, you're probably right. (This would probably NOT be a good time for me to confess.)

At 8:34 PM, Blogger notahottie said...

60/40?...ok i'll take it!

At 8:46 PM, Blogger blueenclave said...

I like this post, too.
Forza Azzurri!

At 8:48 PM, Blogger blueenclave said...

Wiki: Togo was formerly a German colony and split between the British and the French as a mandate after WWI.

At 8:59 PM, Blogger kasamba said...


I know. I am just soooo generous.

Welcome and thanks for the info- I had never heard of it before!

At 9:20 PM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

But England has David Beckham, no? He is a hottie!

At 11:36 PM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

limey 2001 - i think she's trying to set us up, although i'm not sure what gives me that impression!
In any case.
I could NEVER date a tottenham fan.
Not even as a joke on a pretend blog shidduch...

At 11:46 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Kasamba-- I don't want to shoot him. I just want to take away his toys.

At 4:27 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

lol... i also noticed that you are going for a blog shidduch here ;) i suppose stranger things have happened!

At 4:37 AM, Blogger jim said...

Incredible fervor, what spirit, go England, GO! So much for the game.

All we hear in Texas is about the prostitutes that will be working the arena during the Cup. Bush thinks there are too many. How does he know?

Togo? Germany had a colony?

Now I have to go find out what a 'blogroll' is?

Thanks for the entertainment, very enlightening. LOL. I really enjoyed the whole Excitement, Here's to England, Yea!!!

At 6:00 AM, Blogger Frum but Thinking said...

I absolutely love your posts! As a "friend-of-many-Eurpeans", I am also somewhat baffled over the World Cup. I'd rather play soccer myself- than watch someone else do it!

At 9:10 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Kasamba-You did a Shidduch and you don't gloat about it on this blog?
What a zechus!

At 10:14 AM, Blogger Pretty Green Eyes said...

LOL TNC! I DON'T let you date a Spurs fan..what would yout grandma say ;) And who would I go to the matches with ;)

At 2:55 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Quite, but have you heard his voice?

The next contender:
Oh, wellll...
I must say I am most disappointed.
Sigh. Back to the drawingboard!

As the say in england;
'Bless their cotton socks' (Just for you!)

You never know!

I'd really like to know HOW Bush knows this!!!!

Frumbut thinking:
I guess they just all live vicariously!

Thanks, but I was only the shaliach!

Pretty greeneyes;
Oh come on!
Theres got to be bigger issues!

At 3:22 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

You decide which is more enjoyable. Hmm 2 great choices!

At 9:04 PM, Blogger The Unorthodox Yeshiva Guy said...

Great post Kasamba!

Very well written!

You even roused some the adrenaline I have pent up waiting for this upcoming NFL Football season.


Enjoy the mall!


At 9:25 PM, Blogger kasamba said...


So happy to see you here!

I'm glad my post inspired you!
(and I am going to the mall!)

At 10:23 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

i said for the right one i'd switch to arsenal...... are we back on?

At 12:56 AM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

But that demonstrates fickleness.
A true fan treats his football team like a spouse, if you're willing to change that quick, it doesn't bode well;)

(but of course i am only joking!)

At 3:42 AM, Blogger chaverah said...

funny post! yes the obssesion goes beyond england. I dont understand how men are so into sports. But hey its better then being into anything else( if you get my drift)! And yes those tickets are beyond expensive and i can not understand why anyone would throw all their money into that but then again I throw all my money into shoes. GO FIGURE!

At 8:34 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Limey and Next contender:
Communication is the key to any relationship!

Shoes before sports is why you're my kind of gal!

At 5:41 PM, Blogger blueenclave said...

This game is according to the liveblog less than inspiring.

At 6:07 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...


At 6:57 PM, Blogger blueenclave said...

O, not fair! Kol HaKavod to T&T.

At 11:34 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

What do you think now?

Ah, you did just fine!

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