Thursday, June 15

ODE TO THE DRAMA QUEEN

This post is dedicated to the many Drama Queens in my life. It is an amalgamation of all of them. Since I am not able to say anything about them in Real Life, I choose to do so here. Just know that I really do love them all, but they can drive me mad.

It is a bit evil, so if it offends you, please feel free to throw tomatoes at your computer.


ODE TO THE DRAMA QUEEN

She came to see me only the other week
To have a coffee, perchance to speak
With tears hovering behind her eyes
She had something to tell me; surprise, surprise.

She waved her hands around her head and declared
That she might have something that would leave her impaired
She said, “In my head I have so much PAIN
And I said, “Well dear, it sounds like a migraine”

“No”, she said, without a trace of humour
I’m afraid it might be a BRAIN TUMOUR
She said she’s going for tests: MRI’s, cat scan and CBC
To ascertain just how sinister this pain can be

Then the phone calls come from the busy bees
The yentas who make me want to hack at their knees
“Nebech” they say, “However will she cope?”
I think to myself, “Two aspirins I hope”

But I keep my tongue firmly in its sheath
And I agree with them through gritted teeth

The phone call came the following afternoon
A very happy voice said she was, “over the moon”
She said, “This is what you’ve been waiting to hear
Boruch Hashem all my tests came back 100% clear!

“Oh wow”, I said, “That’s wonderful, that’s great”
“So you have a little time before you become ‘The Late’”
In a hushed voice she said, “It was serious, I’m telling you
I was a hairsbreadth from death, my hours were few”

“Well then, you must so grateful”, I say
“But” she says, “Wait ‘til I tell you what happened TODAY

We all have crises of varying degrees
But hers requires professional hypotheses
Every little thing gets blown up out of proportion
Every little thing gets twisted by distortion

A few drops of water from her ceiling is a flood
A haemorrhage is when she sees a tiny bit of blood
A sleepless night and she’s got ME
A few coughs and her child has TB
A funny look from a stranger and she’s got a stalker
A sprained ankle and she needs a walker

So to all of that, I make the appropriate noise
But you know that I might just lose my poise
So this is fervent wish to the One up on high
And I send this prayer straight up to the sky

Please keep her safe, and give me the patience of a saint
Because Heaven help her, if I hear one more complaint.

50 Comments:

At 10:19 AM, Blogger Chasidishe Shaigitz said...

LOLOLOLOL! That was great! Did you make it up yourself? Its realy good.

Thanks for the laugh at 5 in the morning, now I shall sleep with a smile on my face :)

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger exsemgirl said...

Hey that was soooo perfect...

Funnily enough though drama queens will read this and just not see themselves in it!

Thanks for the chuckle!! =D

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Chasideshe shaigetz:
thank you!
Yes (blush) I am the culprit.
Unfortuantely evil poems come easily to me...
sleep well!

Exsem:
Glad you enjoyed!
I know they totally won't get it!

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger lola said...

LOL - that was great...

And I must admit... I am a little bit of a drama queen - though not as bad as that... but my 9 year old daughter??? I am in big trouble with her :)

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Lol, so funny.
You should just play along next time.
Say somethign to the effect of "it really sounds bad".
It will force her to take it a little easier.

Also if you have a minute re-read my old post "pain hurts "
(Can it be that we have friends in common?)

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Lola;
I think there'sa a little drama in all of us but htese folk are extreme!
Thanks for stopping by!

Prag:
LOL! I had actually written this before you posted 'pain hurts' and your post is really the same idea isn't it?!
But you're more sympathetic!
(Taka, maybe we DO know the same people....)

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

you are a riot!! you are definitely more sympathatic than i am, i can be so nasty when i call them on their b.s.. i just dont have the patience!! great poem.

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

You're too good an actress, sitting there looking all sympathetic....i'd be lecturing them about ppl starving in Israel!! v. funny.

 
At 1:40 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

I KNOW HER!!!!

LOL :P

Think I know several. Maybe it's me. Who knows!

Wonderful evil poem! (Was that an oxymoron?
Wonderful evil... hmmm)

You're a great writer. And clearly a good actress for putting up with Ms Drama Queen.

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger A Frum Idealist said...

Wow. this was excellent. the timing was soooo perfect too.
I just had a similar experience, except I can't say that I handled it anywhere near as saintly as you did. good stuff. :-)

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger cruisin-mom said...

kasamba: LOLOL...you think you're evil...I think you're a good friend, cause you listen to her anyway.

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger s.J. said...

greatgreatgreat.

i wish my sister(s? ;p) was(/were) reading this.

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Took your advice...since it was sooo evil...
and now -
After what I did -
the computer and I are not on talking terms anymore..
(uch - it's really being SUCH a drama queen!)

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

There was a cute movie years ago "my " about a twelve yr old drama queen...

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Sounds like the Heimish Hypochondriac!

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Very funny! Do you act you seem like it! I love to act.

 
At 4:33 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Anym00kie:
it's sooo hard to have patience- the insides of my cheeks have bite marks!

Kish:
I'll send them to you for the lecture!

Sarah:
Thanks!
I think everyone knows her!

A Frum Idealist:
Saintly, moi?
Thanks, but really very, very far from it!

crusin:
Thanks!
You make me feel so much better!

sj:
Ta! Go ahead, foward it to her/them!

Theonlywayiknow:
"Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
All I ever hear is Marcia!"

Limey:
Oh, I took my veggies to that- I loved it!

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Jameel;
Lol!
Or the meshugana Munchuasens!

Socialworker:
I only act on the stage of life!!!!

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger kollel mama said...

oh boy did you nail them! they are so frustrating and when you gotta be polite it takes every ounce of koach. but you gotta admit they're a funny bunch.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Me too but I would like it to be on the Broadway stage with all the stars.

 
At 6:48 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

Drama queen or hypochondriac? I guess they are one and the same?

Kasamba you have the greatest sense of humor!!!!

:-)

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Kasamba I feel weak- so weak-- dear me, send prayers becuase I don't know how long I can kepp holding on-- it is so difficult, a test really because my side-- oh my aching sides-- they hurt from so much laughter.

 
At 10:37 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Kollelmama:
Yeah, they are quite funny!

socialworker:
You never know, but you'd have to get a better stage name!;-)


Limey:
Oyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Frumgirl:
Thank you!

bonnie:
Oh, you're so sweet!

 
At 11:25 PM, Blogger notahottie said...

OH MY G-D YOU KNOW MY MOTHER-IN-LAW!!! it's such a small world! you make me laugh, that was so great lolololol!!!

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Notahottie;
Oy! You poor thing!

 
At 4:12 AM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Ya think so?

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger the sabra said...

hey nice poem and real funny.
ya ya of course twas all so true and we all know folks like that, but im more impressed with your rhyming :)

 
At 10:16 AM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

So now you're a talanted poet too..??

Very talanted lady that youa are!

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger chaverah said...

great post! we ALL have friends like that. how annoying! you describe it so eloquently! some people just taste a minor problem and turns it into a catastrophy! god help them all!

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Socialworker;
You won't know until you try!

Sabra:
Actually, I used to rhyme
Just about all the time
Everyone found it a bore
Now I hardly rhyme anymore...
Thanks!

next contneder:
(Blush*) Thanks! (curtsey)

Chaverah:
Thank you!
G-d help us ALL!

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Awesome!

I didn't know you knew my mother?

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

LOL....Incredible witty...and so true...lol

I have a friend who is a cancer doctor..he went once to a Rov and asked if he's allowed to ask for Paranassa...?
The Rov said...you should daven for a lot of rich hypochondriacs....
:-)

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Ok I will try want to join me?

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

phsychotoddler:
Apparently!

David:
I wish all people seeking Doctors were hypochondriacs!
(BTW your blog doesn't allow new comments!)

Socialworker:
I'll watch you!

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Chana said...

Whew - you're in the UK. Which means, you're not talking about me! LOL!!

Seriously - kinda - you could fight fire with fire. Or, more appropriately, drama with drama. Next time you're being regaled, take on the most stricken look (imagine the blood draining from your face) and cry, "WHAT are you going to DO???"

"You have to DO something!!"

And if she asks advice - "Well, I don't know. But you HAVE to do SOMETHING!!"

The message being - take care of your problem, woman!!

((evil grin))

 
At 8:43 AM, Blogger the sabra said...

hehe chana, i like...

as for you ms kasamba
next time throw some bamba
into the face of the creature
who thinks hes a preacher
(or ship them to me,
and ill deal appropriately!)

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Chana:
LOLOL!!!!!
You're my kind of woman!
I like it- I'll try it!

Sabra:
We've run out of Bamba
In Casa Kasamba
The only thing to do
Is for me to ship them to you!

(UPS or FedEx?)

 
At 7:39 PM, Blogger the sabra said...

i only care
for Israeli Air
no matter the time-
i shall preserve the rhyme!

 
At 1:57 AM, Blogger Fabio has something to say said...

:)

 
At 4:59 AM, Blogger jim said...

Imagine the fear I had, that any stanza would be the last. But more came quick and 'right on' too, irritating me like it irritated you. I felt her voice enter my ears, and I was pleased when the tests squashed her fears, knowing she was well, but what is the next little problem going to be? That was great Kasamba, you made my night, are you going to do a 'series'? Fine poetry, I was wishing for a glass of wine. I am still laughing, LOL. Thanks.

 
At 6:35 AM, Blogger hisbonenus said...

Kasamba, that was absolutely brilliant. Too, too perfect.

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger RR said...

That was a riot! Loved it! I think we all have a few friends like that....

Bravo!!!!!!!!!!

 
At 8:24 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Sbara:
LOL!
You're good!

Fabio:
Right back at ya! :)

Jim:
As always, thank you!
A series of evil poems, now there's an idea!

Hisbonenus:
Thanks ever so much!

rr:
I think we all do!
Thanks! *and curtsey

 
At 5:57 PM, Blogger Scraps said...

LOL!!!! I love the poem. I can understand the sentiments behind it, too.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Scraps:
Thanks darlin'!

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Pretty Green Eyes said...

Just saw this, yeah bit slow! That was really great! I really like that one, and as somoene else posted earlier, you aren't evil you're a good friend. I wouldn't say anything to them either, let them complain away if it makes them happy, you've just gotta grin and bear it. The sad thing is, if you do tell them the truth you could lose their frienship as they may get really pissed and upset!

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Pretty Green Eyes:
Thanks!
Yeah, sort of stuck between a rock and hard place with these people!

 
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