Wednesday, June 28

Picasso’s Revenge

Ola my Sweeties!
Did anyone miss me?
On second thought, don’t tell me. Presumptua (my ego) is feeling a little fragile today. Read on to discover why….

Hubby, the ‘Travelin’ Man’, surprised me this weekend by whisking me away to accompany him on one of his numerous business trips. On Sunday, we flew to sunny Barcelona, which was my first time in Spain.

But what of the kiddies you might ask?
Well, they know where the fridge is and they have enough comic books to keep them busy for several months, so they were fine.

-Hold on here, for those of you not yet used to the Kasamba sarcasm, I was joking. My mom was in town, so she watched my prodigious progeny. She said the kids were fine and she only got a few scars, nothing that will show. (Joking again!)

Anyhoo, we arrived on Sunday evening to THE most stunning hotel, whereupon Hubby declared, “Enjoy it while you can because I have a lot of plans for us”. I thought that it was such a shame because I wanted to lap up the luxury. So, if you learn anything at all from this tale; remember,
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

On Monday evening after an action packed day of following Hubby from one appointment to the next; I got food poisoning. So until we left, I was stuck in the luxury suite, driving the ultra-modern porcelain bus. I have this thing about regurgitation, unlike the Casablanca models, I am a firm believer that once food goes in, it should stay in, until gravity does its job. My mantra is: It’s not supposed to came out the way it came in.

Because I was in Spain, I liked to think of my affliction as ‘Picassos Revenge’. Don’t get me wrong, I adore his paintings, but I imagine my illness is similar in nature to the reaction Picasso’s models had when they looked at the disjointed, painted reflections of themselves by the misogynistic master. Yes, Picasso is laughing away somewhere and I honestly felt that like every one of my body parts was attached peculiarly and precariously, much like his most famous expressions of art.

Tuesday, we were supposed to take tours to see the sites, including the gaudy works of Gaudi. But alas and alack, that was not to be….

But for the 24 hours I was out and about, I did make some observations about the Barcelonans. Here they are:

#1- Good looks are a prerequisite for employment.
Everywhere I went the staff looked like the cast of the Bold and the Beautiful.

#2- They talk funny.
They all sound like they went to ‘The Sylvester School of Speech Therapy’. Pronounced, ‘The Thylvethter Thcool of Thpeetsh Therapy
.

#3- There are no Jews in Barthelona.
No kosher restaurants- nothing. No wonder one is forced to bring ones own food and possibly become ill…

#4- They aren’t anti-American or anti-Semitic, like the French are.
Whenever I go to Paris, the undercurrent of hatred is such that it does tend to float to the surface. “Excuse Madame, I weel get these for you in your seeze, ah I see you are une Amiricane and you are a Jeweesh. Would you just hold this unpinned grenade, sil vous plait?”
In Barcelona, there are tons of Yanks and no one minds. As far as Jews are concerned, the smoke from the inquisition has cleared up so long ago that they probably forgot what we look like.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I hear Picasso laughing again…

57 Comments:

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Pretty Green Eyes said...

Aww poor you, wish you better!!But I see being ill hasn't taken away your sense of humour, I love the way you write it cracks me up! Get better! :)

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

funny (as usual!).. (well maybe not the regurgitation part! feel better!)
you know, ith funny, i went to thpain a few yearth ago and your #2 obthervation ith the first thing that comth to mind when i think of thpain, it really ith tho thilly..

(and yes, you were missed :)

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

Ah... Barthelona. It's truly one of my most favorite cities in the world. We actually spent a pesach not far from there, along costa brava. We did see the gaudy gaudi house (sorry you missed that, it's quite awesome).

The wife actually enjoys shopping in Spain (she's been to Madrid several times) -- seems that you can usually find nice tznius clothes in Spain (nearly impossible to find in other areas in Europe).

I'm terribly sorry to hear about your personal "ordeal" in spain, although I recently bought a book entitled "how to sh** around the world" which would have been good reading for you :)

Oh, and by the way, I see that you're all concerned about making sure that your own kiddies are all taken care of when you went galavanting with your husband, but what about US?!?! I didn't find any leftovers in the fridge and I've already read my Calvin and Hobbes books 20 times! You can't play with our emotions like this...

Did you at least bring us back a souviner? SOMETHING?!?!?

Oh, and one last rant, can you PLEASE do something about that horrible Heathrow airport? My goodness, I'm never flying through London again... SIGH

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

just a comment to mustgum - i LOVE Heathrow airport - i think it's one of the nicest!!! JFK is AWFUL - and this coming from someone whose heart is not only red - but a true red, white and blue including the stars and stripes - but gotta say - NY has some catching up to do when it comes to airports! -

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Anyhoo - Welcome back Kas

We were in a spain last summer and I got so angry at my hubby as we stopped at a toll booth. the woman who took the money said Gracias - (and pronounced it Grathias).
Well, anyway - so my hubby returns the 'thanks' and says 'Grathias' - and I nearly passed out in embarressment -
'How COULD you copy the poor woman insensitvely like that??!!' I asked in anguish!

Which is when he told me - EVERYONE in Spain speaks that way - I didn't believe him until I really listened out for it -
It's true!!! lol
and pretty awful! lolololol

Adioth!!!

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

when someone says "grathias" to you, aren't you supposed to respond "denada"?

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger Karl said...

Kas - hope you now feeling better. The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain - and now the sun is shining here!

I have to agree with 'The only way' - Heathrow is a hundred times better than JFK (except the distance between T4 & the rest), but after a sneak preview of the new Heathrow T5 recently, I can tell you it will be even better.

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

BTW, about the airports... I am approaching a million miles flown, so I've flown just a bit. Any airport that requires a half hour walk and bus ride to get from one terminal to another doesn't rate very high in my book. Not sure when the last time you were in JFK, but with the AirTrain now and with some brand new terminals, it's quite nice.

I'm not talking about the duty free shopping here -- Heathrow and most European airports have that down quite nice.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

welcome back!

hope you have recovered and feeling better! there's always next time to discover the sights/sites of spain.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

a million miles! Woo Hoo - sounds great to me -
what about the new airport in Israel - with the absolutely endless stretch you have to walk from the planes and out..
the walks not bad at jfk - quite right -
and i was actually talking about the airport itself - crummy - lol - while heathrow is quite nice - with good shopping..


btw -i got as far as Ola and Gracias - never got as far as Denada - lol

 
At 2:49 PM, Blogger Dot Co Dot Il said...

It ain't called Montjuïc for nothing.....

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

Ha! That walk in the new Israel terminal is looooooong. I always connected with that line from that movie Terminal with Tom Hanks where this guy asks "ever feel like your just living in an airport?"

Look at me... I've taken a perfectly nice blog and turned it into a discussion about airports... what have I become!?!?!?

 
At 3:26 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

May all the queens horses and all the queen's men put Kasamba together again.

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I missed you! Sounds amazing but feel better. Fun to go to fancy hotels. You never cease to amaze me with your amazing experiences and then we lucky guys not only get to hear about it but get to experience it ourselves with your vivid descriptions. Not done yet! We get our best laughs from your great storytelling. Hope you feeling little better after reading this. All true from my heart. Love you kasamba truly incredible. I must be in a really interesting mood ok I will stop here:).

 
At 3:38 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

don't worry - you're being nice to Kas - she gets more comments!! lol
(sorry kas - just fooling around - we're all family - you let, right?)

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger Karl said...

About walking in airports - in my experience, I think its a natural progression; the newer & nicer it is, the further you have to walk (except part of JFK which is old & crummy AND you have to walk for miles). But I think they all vary from terminal to terminal. The new one in JFK is actually very nice, but non of them know anything about duty free.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

My understanding is that Barcelona had a lot of Jewish history, (as does a lot of Europe) but with little Jewish life left there. Is there anything of Jewish interest to see there?

 
At 4:06 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Pretty Green Eyes:
Thanks, I thrive on sympathy!

Anonym00kie:
I am soooo impressed with your fleuncy in Thpannish!!!!
(thanks for noticing!)

Must;
Wow, you resurfaced!!!
That book sounds like the perfect reading for me!
I didn't leave Casa kasamba empty for my feelow bloggers, after all, I left you all my archives!!!
Must, trust me on this one, you do NOT want the souvenir I brought back!

On the plus side of Heathrow, if your feet are tired they give wheelchairs and get someone to push it for you for free! Try it, it's fun!

Theonlyway:
Thanks Lass!
That ith tho funny!!!!

Karl:
Thank you but it definitly rained on my parade!

Sarah:
Thanks!!! Yeah, now I'll just HAVE to go back!!!

 
At 4:11 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Dotcodot:
Mont - wha???

Must:
You travel toooo much!!!

BonnieB;
LOL!!!
Your mouth to G-ds ears!

Socialworker:
That was so sweet! I'm glad someone noticed that i was was gone!
Next time I go somewher, I'll take you on webcam!

theonlyway:
Hey, more comments the better, heh?

Karl:
I don't care how far I have to walk in airports if there's good shopping!!!!
actually, someone just told me today that the Ramban is buried a half miles drive outside Barcelona. I had no idea!

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

I missed you. You should warn us that you are leaving because I kept coming back looking for my kasamba.

Oh yes make sure you give yourself plenty of distance when talking to the SUper Model Spaniards as their "ths" can make conversations shall we say juicy ( I know yuck)

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

i agree with you, karl- the newer ones have loong ways to walk etc -

anyway - i looovee to travel (scared of planes, but love it anyway!)

I want to be a part of it..New York New York
i want to wake up in a city that nevah sleeps.....and find i'm king of the hill.....top of the heap -

oh gosh - i'm homesick now :(
-

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

The Ramban lived in Gerona, which is about a 3 hour drive from Barcelona. When we were there for Pesach, we spent a day in Gerona that was truly special. In the "old city" you'll find mezuzahs carved into many doors and they also have an institute in memory of the Ramban. We visited and also saw an excavation where they had found the Ramban's shul and Mikvah.

Of course, there was great shopping in Gerona as well, which really made for one of the best Pesach trips ever...

 
At 6:07 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Yay kasamba please do. I will keep the compliments rolling.

 
At 6:08 PM, Blogger The Next Contender said...

Wish you better.
i can truly empathise because when i got food poisining, i also got it on holiday! NOT FUN!
so hope you fell better soon.
And i went to Gerona / Barcelona earlier this year. fantastic!

 
At 6:11 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Bonnie;
Aw, shucks! *blush!

Good idea to take a cocktail umbrella to deflect the 'thpraying'!

Theonlyway:
You're top of the heap to me hon!

Must:
You know everything!!!!
Well it doesn't matter, cuz I couldn't pop in the car for a three hour tour anyway!

Hey, didn't that happpen in Gilligan's Island?

 
At 6:41 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

only when the weather got rough -- in fact, if not for the courage of the fearless crew...

 
At 7:29 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

socialworker:
Yup, that works for me!

Thenextcontender:
It's not fun is it?
Glad at least you had a good time!

 
At 7:36 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Kas -
thanks honeybunch !

btw - I CANNOT see something about Gilligans Island and ignore it - when i was young I absolutely adored it!! and I just bought part of the series(dvd) on amazon -sweet memories - lol

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger Genendy said...

I love your sense of humor and your writing style - so easy and enjoyable to read. Hope you're feeling better!

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

I shudder sometimes when I think about the television that I grew up on vs. the shows that I know my kids will talk about when they grow older.

Me:
Six Million Dollar Man, Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Hunter, TJ Hooker, Gilligan's Island, Brady Bunch, Muppet Show...

Them:
American Idol, The Bachelor, Drake and Josh, Spongebob Squarepants, Full House...

Well, I love Spongebob, so I guess it isn't that bad....

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

me -
wonder woman, dukes of hazzard, bewitched, i dream of jeanie, and all the rest you mentioned - (looved the brady bunch)

btw - we are soooo dating ourselves!! lol

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

okay - enough shmutz talk - lol
oish!!

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Okay will do and do I get an invite when and if I come to London like you gave anonym00kie?

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger Ezzie said...

I should be saying Refuah Shleimah, but I'm too busy laughing.

 
At 10:37 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Must;
The minnow would be lost, the minnow would be lost...


Must and Onlywayiknow;
Aren't we OLD????
I can still hum each of the theme tunes.

Genendy:
Thanks, I really do thrive on sympathy!

Socialworker:
You're always invited!!!

Ezzie:
I will accept it anyway!

 
At 11:10 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

I'm back!!!! (France) the place smells bad. Didn't have food poisoning but plenty of belly dancing at a barmy and a wedding, went to visit gustav eiffel .....newsflash...it's just another blinking tower. It's good to be back in my own bed, own shower...just sucks to be cooking again.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

well if your to sick to make it home for shabbos you can leave the tv on and no-one will know ;}
Refua sheleima

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

btw - the part in your post about
ze french - had me rolling -
once again sweetie -
great post..!!

 
At 2:04 AM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

I took my wife to Cleveland once.

 
At 6:06 AM, Blogger Okee said...

kasamba dear, you know, if you're gonna get food poisoning, Barcelona's not such a bad place. Compared to say, the plane on the way back, or say, Disneyworld, or my apartment. (we're not so keen on cleaning here...I'll leave the rest to your vivid imagination)
But it's so romantic that your hubby whisked you away to such an exotic locale -even if it was for work! I have a great measure of wanderlust in my bones, but my mom always tells me that my husband will take me places. But I worry -I don't know my husband yet. What if he gets airsick?


Good to have you back! Lately, all these traveling posts...!

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger kollel mama said...

Absolutely brilliant post!(I'm starting to sound like my British hubby now but sok) Glad to see you're back!
Oh and psychotoddler, that's definitely the most romantic place on earth, pshhh

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

You haven’t said anything about how thoughtful it was of your husband to ask you to come along?

Too bad you didn't feel well during the trip.
if you ever go to Barcelona again
http://www.chabadbarcelona.org/

This post made me laugh so hard, while I was sitting in the main room at work.
Now I know Kasamba and Presumptua should only be read at home:)

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Kish:
Welcome back!
Sounds like you had a blast!
Belly dancing at a barmie- I tell ya, you just know the right people!

Limey:
Shucks- I'm back already!

The onlyway:
Ta, luv!

Phsychotoddler:
Clevland rocks!

Okee:
I guess you're right, out of all the places to be sick, it was a good one!
I was nice to get away.
About travel sickness in your Mr. Right- that's part of the info you have to find out BEFORE you date him!

Kollel Mama:
You're married to a Brit too?
Maybe we should start a club!

Prag:
It was thoughtful, I was grateful, but I could've done WITHOUT the souvenir!
Chabad- NOW you tell me! ;)

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Also A Chussid said...

Kasamba,

Good to know. My next vacation will be Florence and Milan. I would rather get the reaction of the people painted by De Vinci.

About you not feeling well, a plate of chulent should do the trick. Always works for me…

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger student said...

hey! welcome back! u were missed!

hope ur better by now...
..and thanx of course for the laughs!!

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Also:
Da Vinci should be MUCH better!
chulent????? NOW? Ewwww...

Student:
Thanks for noticing!
B"H I'm much better now!

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger Chana said...

You poor thing!! Did you get out to get any pics??

They pronounce Placido Domingo's name Plathido. That and knowing how to pronounce Turandot (NOT the way the French would pronouce it- it's an Italian opera!) get you a free pass in the opera world. ;)

I'm glad you got pushed through Heathrow, anyway! What an experience!!

And at least you weren't in China! Spain has REAL toilets...

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Chana:
I didn't get any photos- but everything looked fabuluth!

Actually, Hubby didn't let me get pushed, he was too embarassed- I do it when he's not around!!!

And you're right about the toilets in china!

 
At 7:54 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

Barcelona??? first they beat arsenal then they beat Kasamba
Time for another 500 year ban!!!

 
At 8:16 PM, Blogger chaverah said...

oh well, you got sick , BOO HOO :( How annoying is that? If it were I who got sick I would be sooo upset b/c I barly travel anymore so it would a big deal. It sounds like you travele a little more. Barcalona, how romanitc! is it? I would love to go touring one day around there however like you said food would be a big issue!

 
At 9:38 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Limey:
Too right!!
Ban em!

Chaverah:
Yeah, it was a bit yucky to be sick away from home!
Give me Miami any day!!!!

 
At 3:50 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Barcelona is indeed a beautiful and a bit Bizarre city with its twisted sense of architecture.
I'm wish you on your oppostion to regurgitation. I'm firmly against it.
As for Picasso....he was actually one of the few famous painters to achieve fame in his lifetime....so he was indeed laughing all the way to the bank..leaving a nasty trail of dismembered models...while anti-semitic Paree was being invaded by Chagalls flying goats...
:-)

 
At 3:51 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

That should read..

I'm with you on your oppostion to regurgitation. I'm firmly against it.

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger kasamba said...

Davi:
LOL!
You are too funny!
Maybe we should lobby congress for those against regurgitation!

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger jim said...

In 1964 I signed up with Military to do 3 years in France, Paris, soon as I got there the French thru the Americans out of the country. I went back on vacation, they didn't want me then either.

The post is hilarious, absolutely hilarious.

 
At 10:01 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Jim;
they didn't want you???
Their loss!!!!

 
At 8:07 AM, Blogger Gregory Williams said...

It was a good to visit to site...last month.here we gets lotss of information about work from home
Work From Home

 
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