Friday, January 19

It’s My Party!

When I was young, I thought that anyone over the age of 20 was old. Every year since then, I have raised the bar accordingly.
Now I think 80 is old, but I know that I won’t think that way in twenty years time. Then it will be the new ‘middle age’ because I will never believe that I am getting on. I am just way too young and way too immature for that.
I want to grow old disgracefully.

Today I am turning the big four-oh. (Gasp!)
I don’t like that term ‘turning’; it feels like I should be metamorphosising into something else. I don't even want to think about what it is that I am turning into.

It is with some trepidation that I approach this milestone in my life. I am appreciative that I made it thus far and have done so much, but it still doesn’t alter the fact that I am terrified of getting old. I don’t want to look like it and I definitely don’t want to act like it, but it sure beats the alternative.

In my circles it has become the ‘in’ thing to make surprise parties for those of us lucky enough to make it to this landmark number.
But alas and alack, I am a control freak and there are certain elements of my life that I am loathe relinquishing, namely my big bash.

And so, I have sent out invitations to those whom I adore, to invite them to my surprise party.
Yes, you heard correctly, (IYH everyone should be healthy spit, spit spit)
I am making myself a surprise party.
It will be a women’s only Karaoke party, all in the best of taste, I assure you. (wink)
The invitation, which is black swirly writing on silver card, reads as follows:

SURPRISE ME!
You are cordially invited to my 40th Surprise Party
Bo Bayom
(it’s on my Hebrew birthday)
Motzai Shabbos, January 27, 2007
8:30pm prompt - Don’t ruin the surprise
(well, I will be making an entrance!)
My House
Shhhhh… Please park down the road so I don’t see your car
Love,
Kasamba
PS If I knew about this, I’d look forward to seeing you!

You see, I have been planning this shin-dig for years, there is no way I’d let someone else do it for me.

Like I told you, my birthday is actually today, but I wanted my party to be on my Hebrew birthday which just happened to be on a Motzai Shabbos. How abba-solutely convenient.
I call the days in between my English birthday and my Hebrew birthday;
Chol Hamoed.

At first, I thought I would walk into my surprise party, fresh from a massive Botox injection. I thought I could walk into my living room with all my guests assembled to surprise me and I would react by …
not reacting.

I thought I would be resplendent in my ageless, preternaturally still face. I would just be a model of sophistication by not being my usual self and squishing up my facial muscles, with excitement and hyperactivity.

But then, I went to a Botox luncheon held by Emunah, in some fancy hotel in town. They had a famous Doctor who specialises in Botox, ,talk about the drug. He gave a talk about the benefits of injecting botulism into one's face and then dropped the bombshell;
He, himself, has regular Botox injections.
No duh.

The guy looked like a Madame Tussaud wax figure, save for the blue vein running down the length of his forehead. And when he smiled, his nose crinkled up and parts that shouldn’t crease, creased. His nose looked more ruffled than a potato chip. He didn’t look young, he just look shiny and odd, like someone had taken varnish to his face.
I have since decided that every laugh line I have is because I have laughed for forty years.
Every age line I have is because I have lived for forty years.

So that was the end of my Botox dream, instead I have deemed that chocolate shall be my poison of choice.
Bring on the wrinkles.

Back at the ranch, I am still planning my surprise party sans facial immobilisers. I am of course creating my own cake, in three tiers and it will have all the candles I deserve standing proudly like a regiment of soldiers, each one attesting to a year spent, well, in insanity.
I will also have a fire extinguisher on hand, just in case.

I will only serve food I like; such as sushi and…more sushi. I will also have a cappuccino machine paying homage to those caffeine addicts like me. My friends are making a ‘Who Knows Kasamba best?’ quiz which will afford the people who really paid attention to me to be acknowledged and rewarded accordingly.

I am planning my entrance by blowing up a baby photo of myself and putting it on a great big piece of white paper. When the pre-recorded drumroll finishes with a great big BOOM;
I will rip through the paper and step forward; symbolically giving birth to myself as a forty year old woman.

I have one friend who is a real Tzadekes. She never wants anyone to spend money on her as she’d rather the money go to Tzedakah. She gives out ‘money has been donated in your name to charity’ cards instead of gifts.
She is a good person.
I, on the other hand would like a good gift and feel very guilty hoping that I don’t get one of her cards.
One friend already told me that she is buying me a goat in Uzbekistan and I will get a certificate and photos in the post. I can’t imagine anyone beating that.

The way I figure it is that I’m at the stage in my life where I can do what I like and I like parties. I have already purchased a brand new tiara just for this occasion.

As the great Bill Cosby once said,
"If you can find humor in anything, you can survive it."

Shehchianu Vekiamanu Vehigiyanu Lazmaan Hezeh!
Party on!

UPDATE:
Boruch Hashem my party was better than I could have ever hoped!!!

After my grand entrance, I was presented with a giant box and told that it's a kitchen appliance and out burst.... my mother! It was the very same woman who told me not to make her feel guilty for not coming to my big bash because she wasn't well!

She had spent the entire Shabbos cooped up in my mother in law's house, together with my sister in law who surprised me by coming in from Vienna!

And the surprises kept on coming!
Asparagus sang me the most FABULOUS song, written by TOWIK (the handout coppies were decorated by Sarah-thank you!)
My best friend (and neighbour) and my daughter made me a fantastic video (edited by Kishmech- thank you!) and another friend said a speech and my two sister in laws sang gramen. If that wasn't enough, another close friend and neighbour, made me a giant signing board using the only photo of myself that I ever liked!

Then another amazingly close friend of mine dedicated 'wind beneath my wings' to me and we all swayed with tealights in our hands! Another group of friends dedicated a song to Mr Kasamba (who was not there naturally, because it was a woman only event!) which was ' hey big
spender'!

My three teired birthday cake was a big hit and was more of an engeneering project to accomplish. We finally closed up shop at 2:30 am when Mr Kasamba decided he wanted a go on the Kareoke machine!!!

I know I made my own party, but I never felt so loved in my life!
I adored every minute!!!

51 Comments:

At 3:52 PM, Blogger Shoshana said...

Happy Birthday! Sounds like it will be a great surprise ;)

 
At 4:02 PM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

Happy Birthday. I can't imagine turning 40, but then again I just turned 19.

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger cruisin-mom said...

You are amazing! Happy Bday kasamba (oops, hope I didn't just ruin the surprise)
Take it from one who has already "been there, done that"...you only get better. I say, bring on the wrinkles. Each one of those little suckers have been earned.

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger SJ said...

Happy Chol Hamoed Birthday! Sorry that I'll be missing the party--especially since I know how grand a bash it will be! Enjoy it--you've earned it!

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Mrs. Jude said...

Yea, Happy Birthday! Sounds like a fun event. lol
I will be turning 35 this year and man... is that true?? EEK .
Maybe I will just celebrate my 20th birthday for the 15th time. lol

 
At 6:47 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

As my grandparents and parents get older and older I raize the age that I call old makes sense. I would love to be there will you jump out of your cake? lol

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger shy said...

Happy Birthday kasamba! Its great that you keep the yung spark!! Untill now I thought 40 was old seeing your spark I have to say it depends how the person looks at themself you see to keep yourself yung.
I'd love to send you a birthday gift where can isend it to? Hope you enjoy your big day

 
At 7:36 PM, Blogger RaggedyMom said...

Happy Birthday! I wouldn't have pegged you for a day over 25!

I can understand your control-freak tendencies (husband takes an extra second to examine the signs at a municipal parking meter: "Hold on, dear. I'm coming. Don't touch ANYTHING!") so I'm sure having the party done to your specifications will help you ensure that it's great. Some of us were just not meant for real surprises!

Remember - no laundry or sewing during "Chol Hamoed"! Have fun!

 
At 7:44 PM, Blogger BagelUndertheCouch said...

lucky. i wanted an uzbek goat for my 19th.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

have a very happy birthday!! your party sounds wonderful... such a nice surprise which i thought you didn't know about (a little birdy told me) but it turns out you do... wish i could be there (i'll be there in spirit! i wanna see photos.. specially of that cake!!) and I'll have some sushi and a coffee in your honour this week. And the tiara is so much more valuable than any botox cos you can wear it even when you're 80 and look totally glamourous. It's all about being young at heart!
Have a wonderful birthday and a great year!!
mazal tov :)
xxx

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger THECOLDMAN said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KASAMBA ,WE WILL MISS YOU IN FEB WHEN YOU STOP THE BLOG

RGDS

THE ICE MAN

 
At 9:50 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

Nearly pished myself laughing! Do your GUESTS know what they're letting themselves in for??
I'm hearing the chol hamoed point - I call everyday between my birthdays - my birthday so if it's 2 weeks, everone treats me nice for 2 whole weeks and it's my birthday e-v-e-r-y daaaaaay!!

 
At 2:27 AM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

WE WILL MISS YOU IN FEB WHEN YOU STOP THE BLOG

No!!!!

 
At 3:16 AM, Blogger TRW said...

Kasamaba, Happy Happy Birthday, and may it be just an awesome year for you! (And just by the way, fellow bloggers...she doesn't need the Botox - she doesn't look a day over 28 ;) )

WHAT is this nonsense Jack is spewing about you stopping? Tell me it's one of those crazy rumors...

 
At 4:00 AM, Blogger Nemo said...

Excuse me, but I've been insulted by this post. While I am regular visitor, and perhaps one of the people who truly care about you, I was not only NOT given an invitation, but I was officially told that I am unwanted. No men? Pff...

 
At 4:00 AM, Blogger Nemo said...

BTW, Jews don't middle age till 60. After all, we all live till 120.

 
At 4:11 AM, Blogger Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

God, this post was one heck of a party!! I cried laughing! Chappy, Chappy birthday!

Please share with us pictures of the rebirth-at-forty moment. I gotta see THAT! And we want some cake, too!

 
At 10:03 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Hey! Lucky me, I'm the 'Chai' post!
Wishing you many energetic and beautiful years until old age... which generally comes just after 120 - :) !!
Love you! and may this birthday be followed by one more glorious birthday than the next - (yes, you can jump out of the baby picture each time - lol)

Happy Happy Birthday!!!
(so where are you going for chol hamoedl? ;) )

 
At 10:49 AM, Blogger tafka PP said...

You don't look a day over 39, dearie...

Looking forward to the Karaoke. Hope it was a wonderful day filled with good things x

 
At 10:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mazel tov Kasamba!!! and enjoy the chol hamoed until the big day. Your party sounds fantastic!

 
At 11:09 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

OOPS!
i meant I was the Chai COMMENT (not post!)
:)

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger torontopearl said...

C'mon...you don't look a day over 39!

A gesundt b'day to you...and may only happy and special events be part of this b'day year.

Yom Huledet Sameach.

 
At 3:17 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Hey! What's with the party pooper Mr. Ice Man?!

February?

Thats like...less than a month away!

Happy Birthday in the meantime, while we contemplate an appropriate response. (I assume something along the lines of the international letter writing campaign to keep Kasamba's parents from moving to Florida).

 
At 4:24 AM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

im not usually into parties, but this one sounds like a blast.. goats, sushi, karaoke, facial injections..
have a really happy birthday :)

 
At 4:55 AM, Blogger nuch a chosid said...

those birthday parties make you ooooold
like this old yid used to say, those afikomens are killing me, after eating a 80 or 90 double portions of 'em, i really feel old and week

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger Bas~Melech said...

What's this about stopping the blog? The party's just beginning!

BTW, Happy birthday! (I'm your kind of control freak... someone once made me a surprise party, I still haven't gotten over it 4.5 years later!)

 
At 2:34 PM, Blogger RR said...

Happy Birthday!

I couldn't help thinking that the part about "arriving promptly" would never work here in Israel- but where you are, no problem!

Hope the party is fab-u-lous!!

 
At 5:39 PM, Blogger Scraps said...

Happy birthday! It sounds like your party is going to be a blast and a half. Oh, and I want a bracha from the birthday girl. :)

 
At 7:09 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Happy Birthday!

Oh I share ur Botox disdain...
I cringe when I talk to someone with botox..I always feel like something horrible is about to happen...like theyll smile too wide and the skin will split..or something..lol

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger Amishav said...

If I were in town I'd love to come along. I'm good at a party too! ;)Congrats , but really now that I'm halfway to 41, 40 doesn't seem like that big a deal. If only I could move my face! (Ha!)

 
At 12:12 AM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

IS THE GLASS 1/3 EMPTY OR A 1/3 FULL?

 
At 6:43 AM, Blogger tnspr569 said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

You know no one could do as well as you could.
I wish I were invited cause you know hilarity will be the theme of the evening.
For what it's with I think 40 is young.

Happy Yom Huledet!

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Kasamba: Mazal tov on winning the silver award for the 2006 Funniest Blog award!

Its a nice and well deserved addition to your sidebar.

Cool!

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

It is indeed all relative.

For me now, 80 is young!

Mazel Tov and Happy Birthday. Enjoy your party.

 
At 8:51 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Shoshana;
Thank you!

Jack:
Maybe 19 in blogging years;)

Crusin:
Right on!

SJ:
Thank you so much!

Mrs Jude:
Good idea!

Socialworkrt:
That would be great!

Shy:
That's so nice! thank you!

Raggedy Mom:
Ha! that's brilliant!

Bagel under:
Well, I waited long enough!

Sarah:
thank you for such a lovely comment!

Coldman:
(rolling eyes)
Yes, dear.

Kish:
I like it!

Jack:
Hubby's had enough- what can I do???

Trw:
You are the sweetest!!

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Nemo:
Of course you can come! If you wear a burka...

Shpitzle:
I'll try to post pics!

Towik:
Thanks!!! You are amazing!

Tafka:
Thank you my purple friend!

Jewish Smorg:
I will!

Toronto Pearl;
Amen! Thanks!

Jameel:
I know!

Nuch a Chussid:
Ha!

Knaidel Maidel|:
We're like twins seperated by many, many, many years!

RR:
Thank you!

Scraps:
You got it shaifela!

David:
Exactly!

Amishav:
Ha! thanks!

Limey:
Hmm... gotto think...

Tnspr569:
Thank you!

Prag:
Thanks!

Jameel:
And well placed!!!
YOU ARE THE BEST!!!
I am not worthy.
I am not worthy.

Barbara:
I will, thanks!

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger NYAPIKORES said...

happy birthday party girl. and happy baking.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Happy BD and welcome to the club! I turned 40 in August and I have to say I was underwhelmed by the whole experience. Well, I knew there would be no party since I am still in availus. But I was kinda hoping for...something.

Oh well. The wife turns 40 this summer. We'll see how she likes the silent treatment.

Do I sound bitter? Never mind.

Enjoy! You're only as old as you feel anyway.

 
At 2:52 AM, Blogger shy said...

Psycho
Don't be so sad may you have lots of healthy bdays till 120 also maybe on your wifes bday make up for your lost party can you make a party the way you like it yet if its on her bday shell be happy we are always tought not to do to othere what don't like for ourself !! You hated it so make it very special for her but do something you'll enjoy very much as well.

 
At 9:03 PM, Blogger Hila said...

Kasamba,

I don't know what happened, I thought I left you a happy birthday comment on this post a while ago, but apparently it never went through. So here I am.

Happy Birthday! Or, as we say in Sveeden, "Gratis på födelsedagen"

-Hila

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Ezzie said...

Wow - I heard it was awesome...!

 
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