Monday, February 5

Rabbi X and the Gilgul Cat



I was so excited when Rabbi X moved into the vicinity.
I read every one of his books and he had answered questions that I had since I was a child.
One day, I was driving with Asparagus and I spotted Rabbi X walking on the street. I was so overcome to see the great man himself that I shrieked, “Look, Asparagus! There’s Rabbi X!”
Asparagus was very perturbed and cried out,
“Ma, what do you want me to do?”

It all stems from my hero worship.
You see to me, Rabbi X is the biggest celebrity there is.
Living in London, I see people the secular world considers to be the brightest stars and it doesn’t curl my sheitel one bit.
I have seen Madonna, Nicole Kidman, Elizabeth Hurley, Kate Moss, sharon Stone, Richard Gere, Courtney Cox, and Tom Cruise to name a few.
They do nothing for me and I have no problem talking to them and asking them to move if they are in my way.

But then there’s Rabbi X, the man who is privy to the mysteries and enigmas of the world. To me he is the real icon, the absolute higher form of being that everyone can look up to for inspiration.

Then one fine day, Rabbi X and his family moved in bang across the street from me!

Well, I am not exaggerating when I tell you that it took me two whole years to get up the courage to speak to him. My kids knew about this and would shout, “Ma, Rabbi X is outside!” to which I’d respond by looking out the nearest window.
Even watching him take out the rubbish was spiritually uplifting. BH, his wife has got to be the nicest person in the whole world, otherwise she would've taken an injunction out on me, for sure. She knows that I am in awe and that I revere her husband as one of the 36 tzaddikim and she also knows that I’m a bit, well, mad (in the deranged sense, not in the angry one).

One of my other neighbours told me that she woke up in the middle of the night on Shavous and looked outside her window and saw the most bizarre scene. Rabbi X’s house was well lit and the entire roof was covered with pigeons. But, here’s the kicker; no one else’s roofs had even one!
(cue theme from Twilight Zone)
Ummmmm…

It’s great having Rabbi X across the street because:

1- If I run out of his tapes while I am cooking, I can run across the street (in my cooking tiara, naturally) and get some new ones. I actually told Rebbetzin X that she is so lucky that I am so considerate that I listen to Rabbi X’s tapes instead of forcing him to stand in my kitchen and talk while I cook.

2- I can ask him any question.
Of course there are a few I would never ask, such as: Why do socks disappear? Why doesn't anyone name their children ‘Adom’ and yet there are loads of Chavas? (Thanks E!) Why do airlines trust passengers to only take their own luggage? Why can’t I keep my lips closed when I put on mascara? Why is it called ‘right’ when we go the opposite of ‘left’- does that mean left is ‘wrong’?

3- My kids have a great role model.

4- I feel like my whole street is protected by the Torah he learns day and night.

And then, there’s his cat.
Rabbi X’s cat is a gilgul cat.

That cat is a well travelled soul in the body of a mangy, fat feline.

Apparently the cat choose Rabbi X’s family and not the other way around.

He is not a normal cat.
A normal cat runs from you when you try to swat it with a broom.
A normal cat doesn’t win a staring contest.
A normal cat doesn’t give you ‘attitude’ when sitting on your car.

Yes, this cat has been around this way before. Most likely he committed sins so heinous as to require him to itch at fleas and pick at other people’s (namely mine!) garbage. I know that when ensconced in the bodies of animals, recycled souls retain memories of past lives. Every so often I tell him (okay, shriek at him) “Ich bein moychel zein!” three times, to which he just looks at me like a drunken sailor; which he probably was.

I wait for my words to take effect and hope that he will drop dead and move into the light. But alas, it is not I who must offer reparations to this creature, but someone else.
I think it was definitely the master plan to have this cat’s lack of middos addressed to by Rabbi X.


In the meantime I back out of my driveway at the crusty calico’s peril.

Go on stupid cat.... make my day.

41 Comments:

At 12:03 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

YOU HAD A STARING CONTEST?


LOL!!!

My dear Kas,
Why is it that every time I read a new post of yours - I love you more? Hmmmmm????

You are truly, and pathetically (in a great way - lol) and wonderfully and amazingly funny and delicious!

And I'm going to be the first on one to sign the
'Against Kas Closing her Blog Petition!'

XX

 
At 2:32 AM, Blogger RaggedyMom said...

Closing this blog? NO!!!!

One of the things I've always liked about frumkeit is that there are not really "superstars" in the traditional sense. If Brad Pitt became your neighbor, you wouldn't be chumming it up with his wife! It's great that as holy and awe-inspiring as some of our great male and female role models are, there is almost always some way to get access to their counsel.

This reminds me of my sister-in-law who listened to one of her local (big) Rav's parenting tapes so much that she would talk back to the tapes. When she saw him in person, she felt like they had this whole relationship based on these pseudo-conversations.

Hilarious post!

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

I love people like that. Great role models, him and his wife.

I'm also signing the don't close your blog petition, I need more stories

 
At 3:07 AM, Blogger The Dreamer said...

Sounds like the Rabbi is an amazing person.

I love people who are so "up there" yet so real and accessible.
That's awesome.
That's Torah.

LOL about the cat.

 
At 4:58 AM, Blogger Nemo said...

It's amazing, I think the entire Jerusalem is filled with these Gilgulim cats.

 
At 5:04 AM, Blogger BagelUndertheCouch said...

please, please, please, please don't close your blog. i know i am but some random american peon, but i get such a giggle out of your posts, so much so that i think i offend some of the other students sitting around me in the library...now wouldn't it be a shame to not annoy these jerky idahoan students? exactly.

 
At 5:33 AM, Blogger Hila said...

who said kasamba was closing her blog? i didn't get that memo!!! waaaaaahhh!!!

 
At 7:05 AM, Blogger Jewish Smörgåsbord said...

You can´t stop your blog, you just can´t. We need your stories! And I vote you publish a book already!

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

How cool to have such an esteemed neighbour.
I don't claim my answer are as wise and accurate as the Rabbi'swould be but here's a shot.

1)When humans can’t see, they fight. The missing one…lost.
2) No mother will allow it, remember, Adam was so insensitive he drove his wife to eat the forbidden fruit, even though there were plenty of kosher fruits all over the place.
3) They don’t, it’s just cheaper for them to pretend they do.
4) No idea, but the answer is the same as to why someone who points at his nose and tells you you have something in you hair, you’ll inevitably touch your nose rather than you head.
5) Actually in Jewish thought, the left is always the bad side.

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

You are very lucky to have Rabbi x across the street I would love to have a hero rabbi right near me. Great that he is your hero and not Madonna......

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Are you sure it wasn't owls on his rooftop?

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

Hmmm MAYBE G-d engineered the Rabbx family to move into your street so the cat will adopt them .....and annoy you!!

The kitchen bit made me giggle. I'm sure he'd do it for some of your cheesecake. Doesn't he call it Olam Habaw? lol. x

 
At 1:32 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Ha, Jameel!
We're talking Kas's Road, not Pivets Drive! :-)

 
At 5:50 AM, Blogger Bas~Melech said...

IMHO, almost any cat can win a staring contest. They're creepy.

Prag--
2. You've got the facts wrong. Chava was the one who pushed Adam to eat it. That said, I do know a few Adams, but all MO. I also wonder why Chava is so much more common?
5. I have never heard from any noteworthy Jewish source that left is the "bad" side, only that it is the weaker/submissive side, as opposed to the dominant right.

TOWIK-- that's Privet drive!

Put Knaidel on the petition. I also can't figure out how this closing idea started, will someone clue me in?

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Woe is me, Kish! That's sooooo emabarressing! lol
I mean Privet Drive (should have googled the name to make sure!!!!!)

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger kishmech said...

yeah but towik....you know what you were talking about and so did we! :-D

 
At 11:30 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

whew, kish! thanks!
:-)

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

is it his accent that you love?

 
At 4:58 PM, Blogger rivka said...

Man I wish my roof would light up and have dozens of pigeons surround it.

So convient to have him by you!

 
At 3:17 AM, Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

Mazel Tov on winning the contest.

You do have a magical way with words.

Be well.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger Independent Frum Thinker said...

Sounds like a great neighbor.

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger tafka PP said...

If you ever put your house on the market, you should specify your proximity to Rabbi X as a selling point...

- I know a few Gilgul cats with staring "issues": Like Nemo says, there are several in Jerusalem!

 
At 12:10 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

We had such a cat for years that my mother was convinced was my grandfather...

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Jack's Shack said...

I have no problem talking to them and asking them to move if they are in my way.

You're nicer than I am. I usually borrow their watch/wallet and then tell them to get the hell out of my way.

They find it really endearing.

 
At 10:41 PM, Blogger Amishav said...

Actually, maybe the cat is the one that has all the wisdom. He just tells it to Rabbi X.

Pay attention to the cat.

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Nooooo! You could not shut down your blog!!! No! No! NO!!!!

Maybe that cat is a form of payment for time spent looking at RabbiX--

Maybe the cat is mezmorized with you and your garbage-- and therefore can't stand for you to drive away

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

WE WANT A NEW POST!









please

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger Limey2001 said...

that hotel thats advertising.... are you going there, did they give you a big fat discount?

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger yingerman said...

LOL
I actually told Rebbetzin X that she is so lucky that I am so considerate that I listen to Rabbi X’s tapes instead of forcing him to stand in my kitchen and talk while I cook.

Is Reb. X jealous?

 
At 3:48 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Hi everyone!!!
I don't know if you've noticed but I have not been on the blogasphere for a while.

Yes, my time here is coming to an end. I have a few more weeks of postings but I can no longer visit all your lovely blogs and I won't be able to answer comments as well.
Just know that I adore you all and maybe when my life stops being so unbelievably hectic, I'll be able to start visiting you guys again.

Please forgive me!

 
At 10:10 PM, Blogger ultrafrumguy said...

by the way, the reason that some houses have loads of pigeons on their roof is because they have bad loft insulation so the heat rises to the roof and the pigeons like it because its warm.

 
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