Saturday, May 5

MY FINAL WORD

Oooooh that ‘final’ bit sounds a bit daunting.

Well, it’s not like I am going to become a mute, live in seclusion at the top of a mountain, only to nod my toothless head in a knowing way when people climb up to ask me the meaning of life.
Nah, I need to be near restaurants.

How final is final anyway?
Any mother who is human, (Well, there are other life forms in the world you know) appreciates that her ‘final word’ can change with just one sideways glance from her liquid eyed offspring.

And besides, there are so many topics I didn’t get to write about!
Such as:

-Self appointed parking supervisors- If you are a woman then they’re out to get you. If you are a man, then you are probably one of them. They are the men who stand and watch woman park their cars and lose interest as soon as the females do a blooming good job parking their ten foot car in a seven foot space. BUT if the heavens decreed that the woman parking should not do such a great parking job…. These men are right there, watching….. judging….

-Visualisation- It’s very hard to go about day to day life remembering Olam Haemes and the fact that we all get there in the end. Well, when I ‘get to the other side’, I don’t want to be shocked about all the things I should have done in this world when I had the chance. So, I use a visualisation technique that keeps me on the straight and narrow.
I have my own cheering section.
Yes, you read correctly. I imagine about twelve Malachim on bleachers, each holding red and white pom-poms. When I do something wrong, they boo and hiss and throw (environmentally safe) rubbish at me, but when I do something good, they cheer like St Louis fans when the Cardinals won the 2006 World Series. My Malachim are really cute because they chant as well as doing the Mexican wave holding peach scented candles.
I really love when they’re happy with me.

-Gender Photos- Why is it that whenever girls take photos together they always huddle and scrunch down collectively, even if there’s an acre of room in the frame; while boys en masse stretch and take up as much room as possible????
Huh? Yeah, you in the white shirt! Why?????

-My neighbours- I looooove my neighbours. I always say that if the people we bought the house from would know just how much we adore our neighbours, they would have tripled the asking price, and we would have paid it. My neighbours are my best friends and my closest allies. I just hope that Bezras Hashem when Mashiach comes and we move to Israel, we can still live near them.

-Conformity- I believe there is great beauty in asserting one’s individuality while still conforming to the ideals of a group. We live in a day and age where you see people going to outrageous lengths just to stand out from the crowd. The irony is that that act of rebellion becomes a trend and then they have to find even more extreme methods just to be different. I mean, I see so many people with piercings all over their bodies, I imagine that the next step for them would to be to create string art, from stud to stud…

-The Great Conspiracy- Most fabulous women’s shoes are designed by men, ie, Charles Jourdan, Jimmy Choo, the great Loubitan. Think about it. It makes sense. If you ever had the good fortune to don one of their death defying heels, you will know that you can barely walk, let alone RUN. This keeps women in their place. Teetering, but in their place.
Ahem.
I rest my case.

-My Daughters Hair- Asparagus was blessed with blonde curly hair. Ever since she was little, people would stop her on the street and compliment her on her gorgeous hair. When she was thirteen she came to me and told me that she had decided to grow her hair for Zichron Menachem, a charity that makes wigs for children with cancer. She felt that as she had been blessed with beautiful hair, she should share it with those less fortunate than herself. Well, flash forward two years and her hair is nearly long enough to cut. All her friends are getting funky haircuts and bangs but not Asparagus. She ties it back, secure in the knowledge that her hairstyle is truly the most beautiful of all.

-Snippets of conversations I wanted to hear the rest of- Have you ever fleetingly heard one sentence that just made you want to hear the rest of the dialogue? It happens to me all the time. Here are a few examples:
“And then he took the entire filing cabinet and stood on the table…”
“I said, Mavis, you are going to sue that doctor for leaving that clamp inside you! You won’t EVER be able to go through an airport metal detector’!”
“But how DID you fit all those chickens in your SmartCar???”
“Hey, why is that weird woman listening into our conversation?”

-Whiney Women- I am so fed up with women moaning about how Yiddishkeit restricts women. I tell you now, I would never want to be a man and I couldn’t deal with the whole tzizis thing anyway. If you are one of those women who put on tefillin every morning, well bully for you, but that don’t curl my sheitel one bit. I am proud to be a woman, knowing that I have my own connection with time and spirituality in my own way without having to be a cheap facsimile of a man. I’d rather do the female thing really well than the male thing badly.

-War Wounds-My body is a physical testament to all Jewish holidays. In other words, I cook and I have the scars to prove it. Cooking for Rosh Hashanah gave me the Kaparah of two horizontal burns on my inner wrists that look like a botched suicide attempt.
This Pesach left me with a mere seven stitches on my left hand. Making Shissel Challah after Pesach left me with a gaping two inch burn on my right arm that took two weeks to close. And that’s just this year- so far.
My arms are starting to look like a relief map of the Indies.
I think I’d like to go away this Shavous….

Ah, well, so much left unsaid….

This past year has been an incredible, almost psychedelic journey. Through writing, I have discovered so many things about myself that it has proved to be the ultimate cathartic experience. I also learned that, boy…. am I opinionated! The best part was that while I’ve chronicled my observations, I made myself laugh all the while.

This past year saw me; send my son to Yeshiva Gedola, get ill, lose my first mentor, celebrate the birth of my brother’s first child, marry off my eldest niece and my favourite little Blueberry. Plus, I turned forty.

Boruch Hashem, you could say that it’s been a watershed year for me.
But the cherry on the cake is that my other sweet, adorable niece just got engaged and watching her and her Chusson together makes my heart swell with joy.
Isn’t that what life’s about?

I thank you for coming on my fabulous, marvellous, remarkable journey with me because without you, it wouldn’t have been what it was.
I love you all!

I particularly would like to thank; Kishmech, Karl, Jameel and
especially, mostly and positively TOWIK, who may be my birth cousin but who actually is my soul sister.
Towik; you are the best.

Lots and lots of (purely platonic, politically correct, shomer negiah) HUGS,
For the very last time,
Kasamba

43 Comments:

At 1:06 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

Oh my gosh!

I love you back my dearest!
I'll admit to being a bit speechless for once in my life! lol!
Or maybe I'll change the 'lol' to a flood of tears..
which is my reaction in the truer version.

Before you were ever the Inspirational Blog Queen..
you were,

The inspiration in my life,

My daily dose of Vitamin 'K',

The guide to living 'bsimcha' - in joy and laughter as only you know how..( but taught me too),

A living example of one who is stringent regarding the laws of shemiras halashon without apology,

A role model of how to strive to improve one's ruchniyus on a daily basis,

My 'visual aid' in excelling creatively (okay.. I leave the 'excelling' to you - but try my best anyway! lol),

An example of a mother who recognizes the specific needs of each of her children, and gives each of them 'lefi darko' with grace, kindness, love, strength and wisdom,

A person who uses each one of her outstanding and unique talents in the most incredible ways, lshem shamayim -
whether it's bein adam l'chavero or bein adam lamakom,

And for the purposes of not hogging all the comment space.. I'll stop here- :D

I'm lucky to have you as a cousin, but more than that..
I'm honored to have you as my soul sister.. and friend...

May you go from strength to strength..my dearest Kasamba

 
At 2:26 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

All the best for whatever comes next for you but we'll miss you so very much.

 
At 3:01 AM, Blogger torontopearl said...

Yashar yashar kadimah. Wherever you go, whatever you do, may you leave a lasting, wonderful impression on those around you...as you have left on us. Thank you. B'hatzlacha on the further adventures of "Kasamba."
With warm wishes from Toronto...

 
At 4:16 AM, Blogger Lady-Light said...

No! No! No! (I think I'm repeating myself.)
Please don't go. You didn't answer the Pesach Meme yet! I tagged you several posts ago. I feel abandoned.
Please rethink this; you can blog sporadically, say, once a month. That should give you more family time. This can't be. And I only just met you...

 
At 4:35 AM, Blogger MUST Gum Addict said...

Ah, closure.

Keep in touch, I hope you'll be checking your kasamba email :)

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger Bas~Melech said...

I can't believe this is it... until now, I held on to hope because you were only up to the second to last post... but now it's here...
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(hm, I wonder if this is what the 7th Harry Potter will feel like...)

 
At 5:50 AM, Blogger Avromi said...

Hatzlacha to you.

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Shogun_Grievous said...

I kind of feel the same way as Lady-Light and Bas~Melech do.

Still, if this is truly goodbye, then so be it. Needless to say, we'll definitely miss you.

One last thing, please be careful when you cook because it sounds little dangerous...

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger Ezzie said...

B'hatzlacha, Kasamba. :( You'll be sorely missed!

 
At 7:10 PM, Blogger tnspr569 said...

You will indeed be missed.

A cute quote from one of Jameel's kids; "...we stayed at the Kasamba..."

I think you've got some more fans there :)

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger Karl said...

It certainly has been an incredible year. Everything has its time & place. We will miss your blog. Keep in touch.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Hila said...

BeHatzlacha! I will miss you, oh crazy Kasamba! Catch you on the flip side...;-)

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger tafka PP said...

Miss you already.

See you in the cholent, I hope!

xxx

 
At 8:50 PM, Blogger Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

I haven't been an especially pompous malach on the bleachers, but boy did I enjoy watching your game! Your talents are incredible! Hope you get to craft with them in many other way.

I respect your ability to stop when it's for the sake of your family.

Yay, Kasamba, yay, Kasamba, yay, yay, yay, Kasamba!

This last post didn't disappoint me.

 
At 3:43 AM, Blogger ba1 said...

Thank you for your hilarious and beautiful blog, Kasamba. Hatzlacha in everything.

 
At 10:52 PM, Blogger kishmech said...

TOWIK - so true - Vitamin K......that's waht she is!

and always willl be. xxx

 
At 7:46 PM, Blogger Amishav said...

Well, Kasamba,I'm sorry to hear that I won't get to read in more detail the posts that you mentioned.

I've read every word- and enjoyed it too.

I was hoping that the long delay after the "next to last post" was indicative of a change of heart, but I see that it isn't.

I wish you all the best with your wonderful family and a life of peace and contentment.

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Scraps said...

I'll miss you soooooooooooo much! There's just no one else like you. I think you could make the saddest person laugh out loud. The blogosphere just won't be the same without you. I'm now officially jealous of people who live in England.

Tzeitech l'shalom, and stay in touch!

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger Nemo said...

Oh man... missed you at the end her... but I always liked your stuff...

Can I still come to your house?

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger RR said...

“Hey, why is that weird woman listening into our conversation?”

Because she's our Kasamba, observer (and ex-blogger) of the interesting and quirky!

*sniff* We'll miss you in the blogosphere- stop by once in a while, ya hear?

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger Mr Bagel said...

My first hello is my goodbye?
Hope things go well Kasamba

Shalom Aaron
Visit: Mr Bagel

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Pragmatician said...

Thanks for leaving us with an excellent post, it makes it easier.

For what it's worth some men are terrible at parking and will silently encourage the women they see having difficulties:)

 
At 4:26 AM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

Noooooo! Don't go. I am going to miss you so much. You have been an inspiration to read and to learn from.

Good day Kasamba. You loved by so many people. This is a sad day for me.

 
At 10:44 PM, Blogger Sara with NO H said...

:(

 
At 7:25 PM, Blogger Limey said...

and then we see Kasamba doing her best Macarthur at Corregidor and Arnold at the governers manse (and so many other places ad naseum)
"I'LL BE BACK!!!!!!!"
to kasamba we say
hasta la vista baby!

 
At 7:26 PM, Blogger Limey said...

actually mac said "i shall return"

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger LakewoodShmuck said...

vote for amnesty for deserters!

 
At 12:15 AM, Blogger Rochelle said...

Thank you so much for ur incredible blog! It kep me cheerful nad b'simcha all the while! We'll miss you!
Take care
P.S. can u pretty plz with a cherry on yop once in a while still post....plz.....*getting doown on hnds and knees*

 
At 6:35 AM, Blogger Bonnie B said...

I still miss you and hope it isn't so, but I return and I guess it is.

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger Goldwasser Story said...

thank you fro blogging about this my grandmother told me a few years ago that he cused ppl allot of agmas nefesh...

 
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