Thursday, February 22

The Kasambamama Helpline

My kids are needy.

They always need something from me.
This makes me tired.
How can I be a good mother when I am oh, so, very tired? Huh?

Hence, using 21 century technology, I have devised a method of dealing with requirements from my five children, while still retaining my last vestige of reason.

So, voila!
It is my pleasure to welcome to
the Mommy Helpline Voicemail


If you would like to know what’s for supper, please press 1.
*
-If you want milky, press 1
-If you want meaty, press 2
-If you have suddenly become a vegetarian, please move out.

If you have lost something, please press 2.
*
-If you lost your schoolbag press 1
-If you lost your homework, press 2
-If you have lost your shoes, press 3
-If you lost your pet, use the intercom. Now.

If you have a report due tomorrow press 3

*
-If your report is on English subject, press 1
-If your report is on a Jewish subject, press 2
-If your report requires two months of research in one evening, dream on.

If you are being bullied, press 4
*
-If you are being bullied in school, press 1
-If you are being bullied on the bus, press 2
-If you are being bullied by a sibling, press 3
-If you are being bullied by the cleaner, get off the phone and clean up your mess!

If you need an item of clothing that is in the laundry, press 5
*
-If you need your dirty gym clothes, press 1
-If you ran out of clean tzitzis, press 2
-If you want to wear your favourite pair of knickers even though they are so filthy they could walk into the washing machine… forget about it.

If your sibling is bothering you, press 6
*
-If your sibling is touching things in your room, press 1
-If your sibling is imitating your every move and word, press 2
-If your sibling read your diary, press 3
-If sibling found your hidden stash of nosh, it’s so gross that you had food in your room; it serves you right.

If you need to buy anything, press 7
*
-If you need to buy new shoes, press 1
-If you need to buy a new football, press 2
-If you need to buy new Polly Pocket dolls, press 3
-If you need to buy a refrigerator in your room….uh, rethink your needs.

If you can’t sleep, press 8
*
-If you need a drink, press 1
-If you need the bathroom, press 2
-If you need to do your homework, press 3
-If you need to call all your friends, hand telephone back to me. For good.

If you are not feeling well, press 9
*
-If you are throwing up, press 1
-If you have a gaping wound, press 2
-If your throat is ‘killing’ you, press 3
-If you have fever, press 4
-If you are dizzy, press 5
-If you have all of the above, hang up. You are 100% faking.

If you feel that you can’t go to school tomorrow, press 0
*
-please listen to mishnah tapes while your call is being processed….







Still being processed…

25 Comments:

At 12:13 PM, Blogger Jewish Blogmeister said...

If you can't go to work press...oh heck just stay home!

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger The Dreamer said...

mishnah tapes?
I guess you only have boys in the house...
LOL.

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger Shoshana said...

What a great idea! Hope it helps :)

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Awesome idea, very clever wonder if it would work for me lol.

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

you could make a fortune marketing that to busy parents.

 
At 8:33 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

If you want Kasamba to keep her blog going
press 1

11111111111111111111..................

 
At 10:04 PM, Blogger Bas~Melech said...

1
1
11111

LOL. Now tell us what happens when you choose an option, I'm so curious. Unless you have a Kasamba clone in each department to pick up...

 
At 11:10 PM, Blogger Hila said...

HILArious!! :-D My mom would love that!

 
At 11:31 PM, Blogger RaggedyMom said...

That was awesome, Kasamba!!! Thanks for a great start to my evening! Now I'm off to cook like a fiend with a smile on my face!

 
At 5:39 AM, Blogger Jewish Smörgåsbord said...

OY, kids are so needy! Did you run the idea by them? What did they think? You´re hilarious as usual!

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger nuch a chosid said...

yeah... I tried calling, and all i got was

"your call is very important to us please continue to hold...."

followed by the infamous

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A CALL PLEASE HANG UP NOW AND TRY YOUR CALL AGAIN

:-)

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger Amishav said...

If you have been injured:
Press 1 if you are still breathing
Press 2 if you still walking
Press 3 if you want a band-aid they are under the sink in the guest bathroon, and make sure you wipe up the blood on the floor please...

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Hi everyone!!!
I don't know if you've noticed but I have not been on the blogasphere for a while.

Yes, my time here is coming to an end. I have a few more weeks of postings but I can no longer visit all your lovely blogs and I won't be able to answer comments as well.
Just know that I adore you all and maybe when my life stops being so unbelievably hectic, I'll be able to start visiting you guys again.

Please forgive me!


(Amishav- we keep our bandaids in the same place!)

 
At 3:11 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

lol...
what about us hubbies..?
what do we press..if we want ur attention?

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger tnspr569 said...

Wait! What's the number? :)

 
At 3:54 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Kasamba: Simply excellent!

Thanks :)

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger chenlu said...

runescape money
runescape gold
runescape money
runescape gold
buy runescape gold buy runescape money runescape items
runescape accounts
runescape gp
runescape money
runescape power leveling
runescape money
runescape gold
dofus kamas
cheap runescape money
cheap runescape gold
Guild Wars Gold
buy Guild Wars Gold
lotro gold
buy lotro gold
lotro gold
buy lotro gold
lotro gold
buy lotro gold

Hellgate Palladium
Hellgate London Palladium
Hellgate money
Tabula Rasa gold tabula rasa money
Tabula Rasa Credit
Tabula Rasa Credits
Hellgate gold
Hellgate London gold
wow power leveling
wow powerleveling
Warcraft PowerLeveling
Warcraft Power Leveling
World of Warcraft PowerLeveling World of Warcraft Power Leveling runescape power leveling
runescape powerleveling
eve isk
eve online isk
eve isk
eve online isk
tibia gold
Fiesta Silver
Fiesta Gold
Age of Conan Gold
buy Age of Conan Gold
aoc gold

呼吸机
无创呼吸机
家用呼吸机
呼吸机
家用呼吸机
美国呼吸机
篮球培训
篮球培训班
篮球夏令营
china tour
beijing tour
beijing travel
china tour
tibet tour
tibet travel
computer monitoring software
employee monitoring

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Microsoft Office 2007 said...

NEVERTHELESS, THE CIVIL LAW is and must be neutral about who has a more noble or rewarding faith. The breakaway parishes ought to win every Office 2010facet of the lawsuit not becauseMicrosoft Office 2010 their beliefs or their politics are better, Microsoft wordbut because both lawOffice 2007and equity, along with common sense, are on Microsoft Officetheir side.Microsoft Office 2007 Not only does Virginia state law (the Division Statute)Office 2007 keyexplicitly apply to just such a Office 2007 downloadsituation as now exists, but the history Office 2007 Professionalespecially of The Falls Church argues against the claims of Outlook 2010the Virginia Diocese with which theyMicrosoft outlookhave disassociated.Microsoft outlook 2010First, The Falls Church wasWindows 7 founded, formed, and developed long before the diocese, or the national Episcopal Church, even existed.

 
At 4:10 AM, Blogger 林磊 said...

2015-10-7leilei
Lerbron James Shoes For Sale
michael kors uk
louis vuitton outlet online
Michael Kors Handbags Outlet
Abercrombie and Fitch Outlet
Christian Louboutin Outlet Authentic sneakers
Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet
coach outlet
ray-ban sunglasses,ray ban sunglasses,ray bans,rayban,ray ban wayfarer,raybans,ray ban glasses,ray ban aviators,ray ban clubmaster,ray ban eyeglasses,cheap ray bans,ray bans sunglasses,ray ban aviator,ray bands,fake ray bans,ray ban prescription glasses,ray ban outlet,ray ban canada,ray ban sunglasses sale,ray ban sale
michael kors uk
ugg boots sale
nike trainers
Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Stores
louis vuitton handbags
uggs sale
cheap ugg boots
canada goose jackets
Ralph Lauren UK
hollister uk sale
Hollister Cheap Hollister Clothing Outlet Store
Mont Blanc Pens
Louis Vuitton Handbags Discount
michael kors outlet
ugg outlet
Coach Outlet Discount Sale

 
At 5:28 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 12.31
tory burch outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton outlet, burberry outlet online, louboutin, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, burberry, polo ralph lauren outlet, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton, louboutin shoes, michael kors, polo ralph lauren outlet, chanel handbags, oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, longchamp outlet, uggs on sale, louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, nike outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton, nike free, tiffany and co, louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, replica watches, longchamp, prada outlet, replica watches, nike air max, ray ban sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton, nike air max, tiffany jewelry, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet

 
At 5:29 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

michael kors, ralph lauren uk, nike air max, converse pas cher, vanessa bruno, true religion outlet, vans pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, coach purses, ray ban uk, abercrombie and fitch, nike air max, nike free, new balance pas cher, nike free run uk, true religion jeans, hermes, oakley pas cher, nike roshe run, ray ban pas cher, air force, michael kors, mulberry, nike air max, nike blazer, hogan, lacoste pas cher, burberry, air max, air jordan pas cher, sac longchamp, longchamp pas cher, coach outlet, north face, tn pas cher, michael kors, michael kors, north face, true religion jeans, longchamp, nike roshe, sac guess, hollister, nike trainers, louboutin pas cher, replica handbags, hollister pas cher, nike huarache, true religion jeans, timberland, lululemon

 
At 5:31 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

mcm handbags, north face outlet, soccer jerseys, nike roshe, beats by dre, nike air max, nfl jerseys, converse, bottega veneta, ghd, ray ban, asics running shoes, ralph lauren, mac cosmetics, iphone 5s cases, ferragamo shoes, soccer shoes, baseball bats, iphone 6s plus cases, iphone cases, s5 cases, wedding dresses, north face outlet, jimmy choo shoes, vans shoes, vans, reebok shoes, birkin bag, new balance, hollister, instyler, celine handbags, herve leger, mont blanc, iphone 6 cases, valentino shoes, p90x workout, ipad cases, louboutin, giuseppe zanotti, babyliss, chi flat iron, iphone 6s cases, iphone 6 plus cases, abercrombie and fitch, gucci, hollister, oakley, nike air max, timberland boots, lululemon, insanity workout

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

louis vuitton, canada goose, karen millen, pandora charms, moncler, converse outlet, pandora jewelry, links of london, canada goose, wedding dresses, lancel, moncler, canada goose uk, supra shoes, replica watches, moncler outlet, hollister, toms shoes, doke gabbana outlet, canada goose, doudoune canada goose, coach outlet, canada goose outlet, moncler, ugg boots uk, canada goose, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, swarovski, barbour, pandora jewelry, marc jacobs, moncler, bottes ugg, louis vuitton, moncler, louis vuitton, sac louis vuitton pas cher, canada goose outlet, montre pas cher, barbour jackets, pandora charms, juicy couture outlet, moncler, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, thomas sabo, swarovski crystal, moncler, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia
nienst123 12.31

 
At 2:26 AM, Blogger Zheng junxai5 said...

zhengjx20160408
longchamp outlet
jordan 3 powder blue
lebron 13
tiffany and co jewelry
jordan retro 4
basketball shoes
michael kors outlet online
michael kors bags
kobe shoes 11
jordan 3 retro
retro 11
fitflop clearance
coach outlet
replica rolex watches
discount jordans
louis vuitton
louis vuitton handbags
coach outlet
ray bans
michael kors outlet online
nike free uk
jordan 6s
louis vuitton purses
michael kors outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
michael kors purses
coach outlet store
michael kors handbags
louis vuitton purses
coach factory outlet
adidas uk
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren
coach factorty outlet
louis vuitton outlet
true religion outlet
coach outlet store online
cheap ray ban sunglasses
hollister clothing store
michael kors outlet

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger roba. gad2 said...

http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-8.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-7.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-6.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-5.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-4.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-3.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite-2.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/anti-termite.html

 

Post a Comment

<< Home


My blog is worth $12,419.88.
How much is your blog worth?

<< List
Jewish Bloggers
Join >>