Saturday, February 24

Give Them a Hand!

Erev Shabbos in Jewish homes across the world (or at least in London), women such as myself, are busy playing ‘beat the clock’ before Shabbos comes in.
Not so in Monsey NY.

Erev Shabbos in Monsey finds the average Eshes Chayil in the nail salon.
On Friday afternoon, completely organised and relaxed knowing that they have Shabbos completely prepared at home. (Halevei of mir gezucht!)

In Monsey, there are as many nail salons as there are Minyanim. In spite of this, these ‘manicure havens’ are all really homogonous and their staff are literally interchangeable.

These nail salons are all owned and operated by Koreans although to the untrained Monsey eye, they all look Chinese. It is always run by the one Korean ‘Mamasan’ (okay, that’s Japanese. Sue me.) who can speak ‘Engrish’ so she can translate to the rest of her workforce that do not. Ironically, although they can’t say a full English sentence, they all have nametags with monikers stolen straight from an All-American cheerleader squad. You can have your nails done by Jenny, Jessica or Tiffany. They all smile at you sweetly, then yell at each other in Korean (which the Monseyiites would swear is Chinese) then smile at you sweetly again. They won’t understand any of the bright, witty, remarks and observations you make. Although they will laugh politely. Quite possibly at you.
What a waste of good material.

They grab the hand they need to work on and tap your rings to show that you must remove them. Then before they remove polish your nails, they say the only three words in English they know, “You pay now”. Which of course you do, making sure to tip them well so they don’t spit in your polish. You choose from a selection of nail polishes with names like; Moda Skooda, Ador-a ball, Raisinuts, Prima Ballerina and Limo Scene.

When you are done they deposit you by a huge table covered with nail dryers. They then carefully move your sheitel to the side (knowing that it is just a tug away from coming off) and proceed to massage your neck. After around one minute of bliss, they take their tiny fists and start to rhythmically beat you on the back until you thank them profusely or scream, “Mercy!”
In vibrato.

But all of that is ‘de rigour’.
What I find so interesting on my Erev Shabbos Monsey expeditions are my fellow seekers in search of the perfect set of nails. Many moons ago, when I grew up in Monsey, Monsey was run primarily by the ‘Sensible Women Brigade’. You know, the type; sensible shoes, sensible hair, and mix and match clothes. In the good old days, these women would never be caught alive, doing something as vain as getting their nails done.
Not so anymore!
The Sensible Woman Brigade sits alongside the pretty and the pampered and make sure their nails are beautifully shaped and lacquered.
I say good on them!

And what is even better is the achdus the nail-drying tables facilitate. You have double decker women (sheitels and hats) wearing bullet proof tights and sitting beside women wearing very long sheitels with sheer tights, and women who wear no sheitels and no tights at all.
This bizarre gathering of interspecies creates an opportunity for instantaneous bonding where deep, meaningful conversations can take place.
My personal favourite debate is; is it correct to bring a baby to non family Chuppah?

Not once do they discuss kugels or chicken soup.
As I said earlier, these superwomen are super organised. Their food is ready and waiting for them to be warmed up and served. All that’s left for them is to be indulged and improved. After all, you wouldn’t want to greet the Shabbos Queen with mangy nails. These Nashim Tzidkanios look down on their gleaming fingernails as they light candles and bring light into the world and they feel great.
This promotes Sholom Bayis.
I guess that makes Jessica, Jennifer and co. the most unlikely shlichim.
Viva La Difference!

20 Comments:

At 9:11 PM, Blogger BagelUndertheCouch said...

everytime i get my nails done, those crazy vietnamese women spend half the time giggling over my tiny hands and tickling me like a 4 yr old....i'm sure THAT;S what makes people snap and plant bombs in nail salons.

 
At 10:49 PM, Blogger Yaakova said...

So sad that you'll be unable to blog for awhile... I'm in the same boat myself. But: PLEASE leave your archives up!!! I've just started reading them!!
Thank you SO MUCH for all the awesome entertainment!

 
At 1:14 AM, Blogger Bas~Melech said...

Are you in Monsey? Is that why we haven't been hearing from you as much lately? What a relief, a vacation is fine but I was afraid you were leaving us.

Anyway, your post reminded me so much of a short video someone emailed me recently. I won't post a link in case anyone here is sensitive to non-Jewish media, but if you search google video for Anjelah Johnson you'll see what I mean.

 
At 6:18 AM, Blogger The Dreamer said...

cute one!
and really true...

same goes for brooklyn, btw.
:P

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

It seems you've been to every yiddishe mukam in the world and made the most hysterical observations time and again. Your intelligence is amazing.

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

the manicure place is the great equaliser amongst women. and they are all exactly as you described. run by asian (korean/vietnamese/chinese... i can never tell) people anywhere in the world it seems! in australia (where I go) to the place in LA that I found that is good (the longest lasting manicure i've had), sounds exactly as you describe!
while melbourne is not monsey, i have heard some very interesting conversations at the nail drying table!

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger the only way i know said...

for me.. it's clean and shape the nails, moisturize and skip the 'porish'
I had enough of waiting ages for the polish to dry, only to have a dent in it 2 seconds after I walked out of the manicurist!
I feel so clean without the 'porish' - but as far as conversations go by my korean/chines/japanese/will never figure it out Place...there are mostly non-jewish clientelle... and there's not much conversation going on.. I only get to listen to instructions on how they want the 'tips' done in silver, with pink butterflies..

 
At 2:11 AM, Blogger Bas~Melech said...

Hey, Kasamba-- I've tagged you. See Half Baked for details.

BTW, the taxis in my neighborhood also seem to be run mainly by orientals. Just you try getting where you're going when your driver can't read the road signs and you don't have time to learn Chinese.

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

I remember when I was in NY and needed to fix up a couple nails that were done the day before. I was on Ave. J and asked someone where there's a nail salon and they mentioned one that was about a block away. Since it was friday, it was packed and so after waiting awhile, I left. It was interesting to see.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger tafka PP said...

I don't feel qualified to comment on this post as the World President of the Never Had A Manicure Association

NHAMA

 
At 6:14 PM, Blogger yingerman said...

there goes the nieghorhood!

 
At 6:50 AM, Blogger chenlu said...

runescape money
runescape gold
runescape money
runescape gold
buy runescape gold buy runescape money runescape items
runescape accounts
runescape gp
runescape money
runescape power leveling
runescape money
runescape gold
dofus kamas
cheap runescape money
cheap runescape gold
Guild Wars Gold
buy Guild Wars Gold
lotro gold
buy lotro gold
lotro gold
buy lotro gold
lotro gold
buy lotro gold

Hellgate Palladium
Hellgate London Palladium
Hellgate money
Tabula Rasa gold tabula rasa money
Tabula Rasa Credit
Tabula Rasa Credits
Hellgate gold
Hellgate London gold
wow power leveling
wow powerleveling
Warcraft PowerLeveling
Warcraft Power Leveling
World of Warcraft PowerLeveling World of Warcraft Power Leveling runescape power leveling
runescape powerleveling
eve isk
eve online isk
eve isk
eve online isk
tibia gold
Fiesta Silver
Fiesta Gold
Age of Conan Gold
buy Age of Conan Gold
aoc gold

呼吸机
无创呼吸机
家用呼吸机
呼吸机
家用呼吸机
美国呼吸机
篮球培训
篮球培训班
篮球夏令营
china tour
beijing tour
beijing travel
china tour
tibet tour
tibet travel
computer monitoring software
employee monitoring

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Microsoft Office 2007 said...

NEVERTHELESS, THE CIVIL LAW is and must be neutral about who has a more noble or rewarding faith. The breakaway parishes ought to win every Office 2010facet of the lawsuit not becauseMicrosoft Office 2010 their beliefs or their politics are better, Microsoft wordbut because both lawOffice 2007and equity, along with common sense, are on Microsoft Officetheir side.Microsoft Office 2007 Not only does Virginia state law (the Division Statute)Office 2007 keyexplicitly apply to just such a Office 2007 downloadsituation as now exists, but the history Office 2007 Professionalespecially of The Falls Church argues against the claims of Outlook 2010the Virginia Diocese with which theyMicrosoft outlookhave disassociated.Microsoft outlook 2010First, The Falls Church wasWindows 7 founded, formed, and developed long before the diocese, or the national Episcopal Church, even existed.

 
At 4:09 AM, Blogger 林磊 said...

2015-10-7leilei
Lerbron James Shoes For Sale
michael kors uk
louis vuitton outlet online
Michael Kors Handbags Outlet
Abercrombie and Fitch Outlet
Christian Louboutin Outlet Authentic sneakers
Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet
coach outlet
ray-ban sunglasses,ray ban sunglasses,ray bans,rayban,ray ban wayfarer,raybans,ray ban glasses,ray ban aviators,ray ban clubmaster,ray ban eyeglasses,cheap ray bans,ray bans sunglasses,ray ban aviator,ray bands,fake ray bans,ray ban prescription glasses,ray ban outlet,ray ban canada,ray ban sunglasses sale,ray ban sale
michael kors uk
ugg boots sale
nike trainers
Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Stores
louis vuitton handbags
uggs sale
cheap ugg boots
canada goose jackets
Ralph Lauren UK
hollister uk sale
Hollister Cheap Hollister Clothing Outlet Store
Mont Blanc Pens
Louis Vuitton Handbags Discount
michael kors outlet
ugg outlet
Coach Outlet Discount Sale

 
At 5:28 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

ninest123 12.31
tory burch outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton outlet, burberry outlet online, louboutin, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet, burberry, polo ralph lauren outlet, christian louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton, louboutin shoes, michael kors, polo ralph lauren outlet, chanel handbags, oakley sunglasses, prada handbags, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, gucci outlet, longchamp outlet, uggs on sale, louboutin outlet, michael kors outlet, nike outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton, nike free, tiffany and co, louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, replica watches, longchamp, prada outlet, replica watches, nike air max, ray ban sunglasses, cheap oakley sunglasses, longchamp outlet, ugg boots, louis vuitton, nike air max, tiffany jewelry, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet

 
At 5:29 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

michael kors, ralph lauren uk, nike air max, converse pas cher, vanessa bruno, true religion outlet, vans pas cher, ralph lauren pas cher, coach purses, ray ban uk, abercrombie and fitch, nike air max, nike free, new balance pas cher, nike free run uk, true religion jeans, hermes, oakley pas cher, nike roshe run, ray ban pas cher, air force, michael kors, mulberry, nike air max, nike blazer, hogan, lacoste pas cher, burberry, air max, air jordan pas cher, sac longchamp, longchamp pas cher, coach outlet, north face, tn pas cher, michael kors, michael kors, north face, true religion jeans, longchamp, nike roshe, sac guess, hollister, nike trainers, louboutin pas cher, replica handbags, hollister pas cher, nike huarache, true religion jeans, timberland, lululemon

 
At 5:31 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

mcm handbags, north face outlet, soccer jerseys, nike roshe, beats by dre, nike air max, nfl jerseys, converse, bottega veneta, ghd, ray ban, asics running shoes, ralph lauren, mac cosmetics, iphone 5s cases, ferragamo shoes, soccer shoes, baseball bats, iphone 6s plus cases, iphone cases, s5 cases, wedding dresses, north face outlet, jimmy choo shoes, vans shoes, vans, reebok shoes, birkin bag, new balance, hollister, instyler, celine handbags, herve leger, mont blanc, iphone 6 cases, valentino shoes, p90x workout, ipad cases, louboutin, giuseppe zanotti, babyliss, chi flat iron, iphone 6s cases, iphone 6 plus cases, abercrombie and fitch, gucci, hollister, oakley, nike air max, timberland boots, lululemon, insanity workout

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger ninest123 Ninest said...

louis vuitton, canada goose, karen millen, pandora charms, moncler, converse outlet, pandora jewelry, links of london, canada goose, wedding dresses, lancel, moncler, canada goose uk, supra shoes, replica watches, moncler outlet, hollister, toms shoes, doke gabbana outlet, canada goose, doudoune canada goose, coach outlet, canada goose outlet, moncler, ugg boots uk, canada goose, louis vuitton, ugg pas cher, swarovski, barbour, pandora jewelry, marc jacobs, moncler, bottes ugg, louis vuitton, moncler, louis vuitton, sac louis vuitton pas cher, canada goose outlet, montre pas cher, barbour jackets, pandora charms, juicy couture outlet, moncler, juicy couture outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, thomas sabo, swarovski crystal, moncler, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia
nienst123 12.31

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger Fangyaya said...

michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
jordan 3 infrared
louis vuitton outlet
gucci outlet
ralph lauren outlet
asics shoes
jordan concords
coach outlet
lebron 12
celine outlet
toms shoes outlet
oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin sale
louis vuitton handbags
tory burch outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
ghd hair straighteners
true religion
hollister outlet
louis vuitton
coach outlet online
retro jordans
louis vuitton outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
michael kors handbags
jordan retro
christian louboutin
air jordan 13
abercrombie & fitch
oakley outlet
burberry outlet online
nike uk
michael kors outlet online
designer handbags
michael kors outlet clearance
nike blazers
true religion jeans
toms shoes outlet online
20167.5chenjinyan

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Fangyaya said...

michael kors outlet
ray ban sunglasses
jordan 3 infrared
louis vuitton outlet
gucci outlet
ralph lauren outlet
asics shoes
jordan concords
coach outlet
lebron 12
celine outlet
toms shoes outlet
oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin sale
louis vuitton handbags
tory burch outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
ghd hair straighteners
true religion
hollister outlet
louis vuitton
coach outlet online
retro jordans
louis vuitton outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
michael kors handbags
jordan retro
christian louboutin
air jordan 13
abercrombie & fitch
oakley outlet
burberry outlet online
nike uk
michael kors outlet online
designer handbags
michael kors outlet clearance
nike blazers
true religion jeans
toms shoes outlet online
20167.5chenjinyan

 

Post a Comment

<< Home


My blog is worth $12,419.88.
How much is your blog worth?

<< List
Jewish Bloggers
Join >>